More meme stuff

[altogetherisi]

I applied for JSA on Tuesday, which I suppose is why I now have two possible interviews and an offer of a "trial shift" for work. Hopefully any of these sources will decide to give me some money soon, Christmas is coming!

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Can I just say, OMG KURT. In the latest episode of Glee, "Furt". My heart is breaking. Chris Colfer needs to win some kind of award for his acting, an Emmy? Is that what Emmys are for? Seriously, so so good. As usual, the rest of the storylines in that ep are kinda shitty, and I'm not appreciating vaguely nice Sam messing with awesome Quinn, but whatevs. KURT. OH MY GOD. SO GOOD. This confirms and continues the pattern of "good ep, bad ep, good ep, bad ep". Which is really irritating. Come on Glee, why not "good ep, good ep, even better ep"?

Also, there was no singing in this ep for at least the first 15 minutes. It was not missed particularly, because I only would have wanted Kurt to sing and it might have messed with the tension in his acting scenes, so. I don't really care for Ceelo, but it was nice to see the Glee club finally stick up for Kurt, and to tell the gay character on no uncertain terms that he's perfect "just the way you are."

I've said it before, I'll say it again - Burt Hummel looks so completely surprisingly different without his hat. He's a pretty great father though.

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Anyway. Since I'm wasting my life, here is some meme-age, ganked from bearodactyl. Because I'm contrary I'm not doing it properly, just picking out the bits I want, the beginning and the end. But in case anyone wants the complete set of 10, it's meant to be

10 things you want to say to 10 people right now
9 things about yourself
8 ways to win your heart
7 things that cross your mind a lot
6 things you wish you'd never done
5 people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever)
4 things that turn you off
3 things that turn you on
2 smileys that describe your life right now

1 confession

Pride comes before a fall, and I was so used to be the sensible one, the sensitive one, the intuitive one. I was wise, and offered advice, and listened. And I thought I was prepared and that I would be fine, that I was ready, that I could face anything. By anything, in reality I suppose I was thinking mainly of alcohol, and of sex, and of drugs, but also of people generally. I thought I got people, and understood situations, so I thought I'd be able to cope whatever happened. And you know what? I wasn't wrong really - I do get people, and understand situations, and I was totally able to cope with everything that I had thought I might need to.

But I was completely knocked flat by the things I never expected. And the greatest of those was, well. Love. Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to call it love, because I believe that love is something far more, not only deeper but broader. I favour the word infatuation. I got my heart bruised a bit, I think. Certainly it hurt, and hurt in a way I'd never felt, I'd never imagined. And not just once.

I met an angel, and that - she - was the last thing I'd expected to find at university. A real angel, truly. She had a halo. That stunned me for about 5 weeks, I was so dazed and confused. And then I was seriously infatuated with a boy, and I had no idea how to deal with all this pain and misery. And while that was going on, I was hit with a huge lust for a different boy. None of these people wanted me. I hope and believe that none of them ever realised how they made me feel. And now I'm over all of them.

But looking back, I have this weird sense of shame now that it never once crossed my mind that I might meet someone that made me feel like that. That stuff - emotions, passions - was for other people. I was prepared and adjusted to cope with so many other things, but the idea that I might find myself feeling uncontrollably, and about a person, seriously never occurred to me. Not at all. And what kind of person does that make me? Who does that? Who is the person that never expects love, or even a facsimile of love, to happen? What does it make me that I can be so romantic when I'm talking about other people, but the idea of love happening to me is less than a dismissed fantasy because it never registers at all?

I didn't just fall, I got knocked on my freaking ass. I was winded, and now I'm still to some extent staring up at the sky and wondering what the hell was that, what just happened, why didn't I see it coming.


And that's my confession.

Comments

[anterenea.livejournal.com]

This is a beautiful confession that I empathize all too well with. As an adolescent I was dismissive of my friends claims that I too would feel as if I had been hit by a storm and left to drown when I met the one. I used to find even the expression " falling in love" vulgar and unimaginative. I stood duly corrected a couple of years later:)
Also yeah for possible work and Christmas money!!