![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
You guys, the last few weeks, well the last few months, in my RL have been some of the most irrationally bad and confusing of my life. Boys are confusing, friends are undependable, I'm spending money insanely. I've been so confused, and angry, and hurt, and lonely.
I've been reckless, and incredibly self destructive. I don't think I've ever been this self destructive ever before, actively destroying and destroying. Refusing to do things that make me happy, that make me well, and going out of my way to hurt and upset myself. And I think its a very strange method of defence - if I destroy myself, then nothing else can have done it. If I'm hurting, at least if I did it, if I caused the damage, I haven't been vulnerable to other things, other people.
I think I'm going to stop now.
*
You guys should watch Make It or Break It, because I really need to squee about it. It is about teen gymnasts that want to get to the Olympics. It is full of cliches and drama. It is amazing. It keeps doing this thing to me, where I think, jesus this is predictable, and then bam! Something tugs on my heartstrings so so much. At first, I didn't care about any of the characters, but they are well developed and somehow not anywhere as annoying as you would expect them to be. The way the latest episode ended made me woop out loud.
If you guys like Glee, then you should totally give this a chance, since it also features stereotypical, predictable scenarios with characters that should be 2d and ridiculous that surprisingly grab you and make you actually give a damn. Only, instead of breaking into song, there is inspirational gymnastics routines set to totally cliche music.
Also, if you like omnishipping or situations where the characters don't have one person they are clearly meant for and where after getting their heart broken people are actually upset for more than one episode, watch this show. Seriously, there are moments that are so cringey and obvious and bad, where I want to shake and slap some of the characters for being utter morons. And god, can it be trite. But then, there are moments when I am like, DUDE, this is suddenly good. How did this suddenly get so perfect?!
*
In the library the other day, I was waiting for my friend, and absent mindedly wrote a brief outline for that vampire story I am absolutely not thinking about. Oops. Need to remember: witches first, warlocks second, then maybe vampires, self. Silly. But I had just come out of a mildly rage inducing lecture on, amongst other things, feminist opinions on some women in the Old Testament, and I was all pissy and needing to rant, but I couldn't because I was in the library and with a friend that was not at all angry, which just made me more angry. So, I directed the energy to feminist vampires. Because that, apparently, is how I roll.
*
Today, I booked my flights to Montreal for the summer. I am so so excited! :D :D :D
But, the way I spend money is totally messed up, seriously. Some things I value highly, and some things I somehow don't. Or maybe I just estimate stuff oddly? Like, the flights to Montreal are the most money I've ever spent on anything, and that trip is only ten days or so. Whereas the vague figure I thought I would spend on interrailing, a 22 day trip, needs to be seriously be revised upwards, because I basically have no clue how much staying anywhere should cost. Because I have no experience of paying to stay in places really. Which is odd when I type it, a sign of my upbringing I suppose. Like, I really hope to go back to Dinard this summer, and compared to, well to anything else really, it's insanely cheap. I've spent more on single shopping trips than I have budgetted toward a week in Dinard.
Oh god, I need to shop less.
Maybe my brain just doesn't like maths? Because a set of perfectly sensible, or actually necessary, or kinda necessary in a I MUST HAVE IT way (ie, the buying of Flight of the Conchords tickets were non negotiable) expenditures add up to these scary big numbers on my bank statement. And I kinda wish they just... wouldn't.
*
I have a kinda cut thing, not quite an ulcer, on the inside of my lip. It irritates and pains me, and doesn't like acid. I wish it would go away. My lips are so sensitive at the moment.
*
Would love some music recs. I have to dress up as a song on Thursday. I'm thinking "Starry Eyed" by Ellie Goulding, because I can just draw stars near my eyes, and people have probably heard of that song and might get it. But would love some new music recs, any style as long as its awesome. Pop and rock should be sassy, anything else should be beautiful. Maybe I'll check out some of the Russian singers Johnny Weir recommends, since I do like most of the stuff he likes that I have heard of...
*
I'm naming a magician for The Demon's Talisman! Just an extra I expect, they'll probably be mentioned once and get killed. But still, how cool is that? Pretty damn cool :)
Somehow chat on this point turned into pitching what should ideally be a webcomic I feel, called "The Improbable Adventures of Scarlett Chemise and Jean DeNim." Who are hot lesbians that fight crime and fashion disasters. Or something.
I've been reckless, and incredibly self destructive. I don't think I've ever been this self destructive ever before, actively destroying and destroying. Refusing to do things that make me happy, that make me well, and going out of my way to hurt and upset myself. And I think its a very strange method of defence - if I destroy myself, then nothing else can have done it. If I'm hurting, at least if I did it, if I caused the damage, I haven't been vulnerable to other things, other people.
I think I'm going to stop now.
*
You guys should watch Make It or Break It, because I really need to squee about it. It is about teen gymnasts that want to get to the Olympics. It is full of cliches and drama. It is amazing. It keeps doing this thing to me, where I think, jesus this is predictable, and then bam! Something tugs on my heartstrings so so much. At first, I didn't care about any of the characters, but they are well developed and somehow not anywhere as annoying as you would expect them to be. The way the latest episode ended made me woop out loud.
If you guys like Glee, then you should totally give this a chance, since it also features stereotypical, predictable scenarios with characters that should be 2d and ridiculous that surprisingly grab you and make you actually give a damn. Only, instead of breaking into song, there is inspirational gymnastics routines set to totally cliche music.
Also, if you like omnishipping or situations where the characters don't have one person they are clearly meant for and where after getting their heart broken people are actually upset for more than one episode, watch this show. Seriously, there are moments that are so cringey and obvious and bad, where I want to shake and slap some of the characters for being utter morons. And god, can it be trite. But then, there are moments when I am like, DUDE, this is suddenly good. How did this suddenly get so perfect?!
*
In the library the other day, I was waiting for my friend, and absent mindedly wrote a brief outline for that vampire story I am absolutely not thinking about. Oops. Need to remember: witches first, warlocks second, then maybe vampires, self. Silly. But I had just come out of a mildly rage inducing lecture on, amongst other things, feminist opinions on some women in the Old Testament, and I was all pissy and needing to rant, but I couldn't because I was in the library and with a friend that was not at all angry, which just made me more angry. So, I directed the energy to feminist vampires. Because that, apparently, is how I roll.
*
Today, I booked my flights to Montreal for the summer. I am so so excited! :D :D :D
But, the way I spend money is totally messed up, seriously. Some things I value highly, and some things I somehow don't. Or maybe I just estimate stuff oddly? Like, the flights to Montreal are the most money I've ever spent on anything, and that trip is only ten days or so. Whereas the vague figure I thought I would spend on interrailing, a 22 day trip, needs to be seriously be revised upwards, because I basically have no clue how much staying anywhere should cost. Because I have no experience of paying to stay in places really. Which is odd when I type it, a sign of my upbringing I suppose. Like, I really hope to go back to Dinard this summer, and compared to, well to anything else really, it's insanely cheap. I've spent more on single shopping trips than I have budgetted toward a week in Dinard.
Oh god, I need to shop less.
Maybe my brain just doesn't like maths? Because a set of perfectly sensible, or actually necessary, or kinda necessary in a I MUST HAVE IT way (ie, the buying of Flight of the Conchords tickets were non negotiable) expenditures add up to these scary big numbers on my bank statement. And I kinda wish they just... wouldn't.
*
I have a kinda cut thing, not quite an ulcer, on the inside of my lip. It irritates and pains me, and doesn't like acid. I wish it would go away. My lips are so sensitive at the moment.
*
Would love some music recs. I have to dress up as a song on Thursday. I'm thinking "Starry Eyed" by Ellie Goulding, because I can just draw stars near my eyes, and people have probably heard of that song and might get it. But would love some new music recs, any style as long as its awesome. Pop and rock should be sassy, anything else should be beautiful. Maybe I'll check out some of the Russian singers Johnny Weir recommends, since I do like most of the stuff he likes that I have heard of...
*
I'm naming a magician for The Demon's Talisman! Just an extra I expect, they'll probably be mentioned once and get killed. But still, how cool is that? Pretty damn cool :)
Somehow chat on this point turned into pitching what should ideally be a webcomic I feel, called "The Improbable Adventures of Scarlett Chemise and Jean DeNim." Who are hot lesbians that fight crime and fashion disasters. Or something.
