Ishmael Dreaming

 So I'm waiting for US election news. Polls will start to close in about 6 hours. I think Obama will win, and obviously I desperately hope he will, but I am concerned. It's a concerning time. We're all a bit anxious. I'm going to stay up all night to watch it unfold, like I did last time. Four years ago. Four years ago, a brief while, so long ago and yet really not at all. I had my first drink in a pub to celebrate Obama's election. I had just turned 18, I had just started receiving uni offers. 

Now I'm 22, and I'm back at uni. Hmmm.

***

I'm doing Nano, and I am attempting to finish The Misfit Witch. Good girl. Finish haha that's a scary word. I doubt it, I'm already rather behind. But I'm trying, I'm totally trying. I am definitely definitely going to finish Part 1, that's my real vow. And then have a decent crack at Part 2. Mert Mert Mert mostly. But today, a bit of Tawn and Burg, because I couldn't focus and could only write tiny flighty fragments. Tchuh.

***

I keep going to London at the weekends. I went the Sunday before my birthday, to see Jay Brannan with hanelissar. That was really fun - obviously Jay is one of my absolute favs, and Han hadn't been to see him live before, and beforehand we had plenty of lovely drinks and a jolly good time. Er, the next morning wasn't brilliant though. I have never been so concerned that I might actually be sick on a train. Not my finest moment. Stay classy self. On the plus side, the universe gave me a free (ie abandoned on the train, so I kept) copy of The Casual Vacancy which is cool because I was curious about it but not enough to actually buy it. Haven't read much of it yet, but bear with. Oh and that morning I had a woman taxi driver, and her taxi was really comfortable, and she was really nice, and I felt so awful but she was so nice, it really struck me.

The week after that I went back for the day on Saturday to see my brother and my dad and celebrate my birthday. We all had various travels issues but we eventually found each other and had a really good meal and some fucking amazing cake and it was a lovely day.

And this last weekend I went to see my friends A and A, to celebrate the birthday of one of the A at the other A's house. They both brought their boyfriends, and we had dinner, and then when to a goth club. All night. Now, when the idea of an "all night goth rave" was first mentioned to me, I had assumed this was hyperbole. It was not. The last tube, people who don't know London, is just before midnight generally. We set off at midnight. We got a bus at quarter to one. We got to the club a bit before 2am. And we stayed until kicking out time at 7.45am. oh my god. It took a few hours to grow on me, because I was kinda tired and cold and a bit grumpy at first, but then (morning person ahoy) about 5am I suddenly woke up and started really enjoying myself. So that was good fun.

When we left the club, it was raining heavily, and none of us had umbrellas, and I didn't have a proper coat, or even proper clothes really because hello clubbing, and we walked for about 15 minutes through this rain and omg November morning, cold cold cold wet wet wet. That was not pleasant. But! Once we had got finally made it back to A's house, looking like a collection of tired, drowned goth rats, I got to dry off and put on warm clothes, and then one of A's flatmates turned out to be an incredible angel of a flatmates because he didn't even know us and, I can't overstate how amazing this was, he made us bacon and egg sandwiches, and proper coffee. You may have read that, but you don't fully understand: he went out to the shops to buy us food, and then he cooked it for us, and he kept bringing us more, and seriously, I almost started crying because I'd been awake for about 30 hours and it was so amazing.

Then I crawled back here and slept through a lot of day and woke up in the middle of the night and completely through off my sleeping pattern but it doesn't matter because there's always tumblr isn't there.

***

I just started watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries! They're good so far, definitely enjoying and would recommend. I'm not doing all that well at fandom otherwise. But that's ok. I'm still around online more than I thought I would be tbh, and frankly it will probably go down because hello essays, but yeah. I was worried I'd just drop away entirely. 

I still haven't seen Skyfall. I might just go by myself. 

 I am LOVING the weather at the moment. Bright, warm sun edging into hot, the sunglasses and summer dresses are getting some use, finally! We had a very wet spring, I am glad to get to do some basking.

lc2l wrote a really good Avengers fic, When I Say Jump which I betaed. It is massively spoilery for the movie, and it is Loki/Clint, and so there are consent issues, and it is really rather excellent, so you should all go read it and tell her how awesome she is. 

( I love Adam Lambert's new album, Trespassing! )

( And also, Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds <3 )

Eurovision was last night. Embarrassed by how many songs I genuinely liked and how into it I got haha. Sweden were fair winners. I have a list of my top ten, but I'll spare you. Suffice to say my favourite was Turkey, with the boat. Inexplicably addicted to it. Creys for Slovakia not getting through to the final.

*

( Writing is slow at the moment, but happening. )

 

 Devon is lovely this time of year :) Apparently it's about to get colder in the UK this week, but for now it is mostly dry, crisp and cool and autumnal. I love it here. Right this moment I am in Cafe Nero with wifi and coffee and happiness :D

I made my pilgrimage to the only independent bookshop I ever visit, and took time to find a book not only that I hadn't heard of by someone I hadn't heard of, which is one of my independent bookshop rules, but also to find one with a female protagonist (And happily, also by a female author, though I don't mind so much about that). This was slightly trickier than I would have hoped, but hey, it's a small bookshop so the sci-fi/fantasy area I tend to inhabit doesn't exactly have the widest selection. Anyway, I found a few eventually to choose between, so, triumph and victory! So far it seems good, but I've hardly started.

***

This morning, I got my creative writing over the 20,000 word mark! Yay! This is very exciting to me. I am hoping to go into Nano with about 30k under my belt, and am feeling happy and positive about this as totally possible. 

Unfortunately, this means I am vaguely uninterested in writing fic right now. I really wanted to finish the bandom AU this holiday, I got about 2000 words in. But. Well, it's unlikely. It's all there in my head, but the urge to pass it on has rather... passed. Maybe I'll come back to it when I'm blocked on original.

***

Next week is my birthday! I am a bit more excited than usual, I don't know why. For the record, if anyone here wants to give me something without spending money (this is the internet after all) I would LOVE a fanmix. I never have enough music. So, please feel free *flutters eyelashes* Just putting that out there...

So, I didn't manage to win Nano. This is hardly a surprise. Oh well.

I don't mind this - I've still written a lot more than I would have if I hadn't signed up, and I just feel very happy and pleased at the progress I have made, there is no room to feel sad or disappointed in myself. I didn't get stressed about it, or force myself to write when I wasn't in the mood, and in return it didn't cause my untimely death. Seems fair. 

As well as writing a lot more than I would have done, this month I've nailed down the remaining plotting for all the main characters and begun writing entire arcs and characters that hadn't been written before, only plotted for, which has been really nice, because regardless of plotting a character only kinda becomes real when you are writing them, at least to me. I've written description of sights and scenery and action and make outs and magic and high school that before were just vague ideas, or very specific images in my mind's eye that I hadn't yet actually pinned down with words. It's felt relieving, and liberating, and actually just really wonderful to finally express some of these ideas I've had in my head and have kept from everyone else for years now. I'm remembering what it feels like to actively love writing.

And best of all, I feel like I've got a much clearer idea of how many words and how much work goes into a chapter, so I can make a more realistic estimate of what the reality of this project would be completed, and when I might do that.

Current estimates: 

- total wordcount of entire project to be around 225K
- wordcount of Part One to be around 75K
- first draft of Part One to be done by the end of January
- first draft of Part Two to be done by the end of March
- first draft of Part Three to be done by the end of May

(Part One gets longer than Two or Three because I realise I will write less over Christmas than during the boringness that is February.) 

These are just estimates, and I'm aware that not managing Nano doesn't set a great precedent for getting it done by these dates, but I dunno, I just feel so positive and hopeful about this whole thing, and I didn't have any writers block at all over the last month, so I can't help but feel like if I just keep going there's a real possibility I'll get it done. And just think - that means I could let other people read it! \o/

The only other thing is, I really need a new name for this project. Even just another temporary name. So in the true spirit of Nano, I shall spend the last few hours of today and of this month desperately trying to come up with something better than it's current working title. Determined to get something by midnight!

ETA: new working title (for however long it lasts...) is now The Misfit Witch.

So yeah. I didn't win Nano. But I just don't feel like a failure :)