Some thoughts
Aug. 18th, 2009 07:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altogetherisiI really haven't been very sociable the last couple of days. A couple, I just stayed in my pjs all day. So much of my future, of my life is on hold. I think about it, what clothes I'll take, what societies I'll join, and some things I have two parallel plans for - how frugal I have to be, what, other than Theology, I'll study, whether I'll look for a job. In my diary, I have two sets of dates for shows penciled in, depending on what city I'll be in at that month.
It was nice today to meet up with my friend C - I haven't seen her since our school leaving Ball, over a month ago now, and we wailed about such things together. We could go to Cambridge together, or we could be separated by, I dunno, 100 miles I guess, maybe more. At least with some of my friends, I know they'll be far away from me. We try not to talk about what we'd do there if we both get in but its tricky, things slip out and then I feel weird. She'll get in easy, and so will a couple of my other friends, and then there's me and ok a couple of other people for whom its really uncertain. Its killing to know that everyone else - the university, ucas, our school - already know.
But yes. It was lovely, casual, normal and relaxing to meet her and trail around some shops, like we've done a hundred times before. I haven't really shopped, except a pilmgrimage to H&M last weekend when I was in London, since before exams, and maybe I'm a complete girl that's been ruined by a consumerist society, but it is nice to shop. Really, to find something that looks really nice and you can actually afford and you can think of several ways you could wear it. It doesn't always help if I'm depressed or miserable, but as a way to spend an afternoon, generally, highly recommended. Aaah. I'm also highly considering blowing more money than I would spend in a shop on a couple of T-shirts of tinternet and the shipping costs. I just want them, ok? I'm going to be living in jeans and T-shirts, so clearly I will need T-shirts, and I think I can justify an extra £20 if they make me smile when I have nothing else in my approaching life of poverty. That's my list; a laptop, chocolate and some nice T-shirts. That's all I need to live on.
And tomorrow, I get to see some fishies! I'll have to actually get out of bed at a normal time to get to London, but I'm sure it will be excellent fun, and I hope the weather forecast holds.
But, I don't know. My life is about to take a big change, whatever happens. I guess its kinda like being on a rollercoster that pauses at the top of a huge drop. We've been climbing this for years and years, and our exams were months ago, and we can see the edge before the fall and the twists and turns that everyone has said is really exciting and fun, but honestly just look pretty scary here. And I'm stuck here, paused, for another 2 and a half days. It's agonising.
I've picked my laptop though. I'm still checking a couple more websites to see whether I can get it the same but cheaper anywhere, but I'm pretty happy with the price and model I''ve found already, so I think I'll order it soon. I'd like to get it before September preferably, because I want to do some serious writing in September.
I need to look up student bank accounts. God, can I please just be a student already? I clearly think I am.
I suspect in hindsight, this will turn out to be one of the stranger times in my life.
It was nice today to meet up with my friend C - I haven't seen her since our school leaving Ball, over a month ago now, and we wailed about such things together. We could go to Cambridge together, or we could be separated by, I dunno, 100 miles I guess, maybe more. At least with some of my friends, I know they'll be far away from me. We try not to talk about what we'd do there if we both get in but its tricky, things slip out and then I feel weird. She'll get in easy, and so will a couple of my other friends, and then there's me and ok a couple of other people for whom its really uncertain. Its killing to know that everyone else - the university, ucas, our school - already know.
But yes. It was lovely, casual, normal and relaxing to meet her and trail around some shops, like we've done a hundred times before. I haven't really shopped, except a pilmgrimage to H&M last weekend when I was in London, since before exams, and maybe I'm a complete girl that's been ruined by a consumerist society, but it is nice to shop. Really, to find something that looks really nice and you can actually afford and you can think of several ways you could wear it. It doesn't always help if I'm depressed or miserable, but as a way to spend an afternoon, generally, highly recommended. Aaah. I'm also highly considering blowing more money than I would spend in a shop on a couple of T-shirts of tinternet and the shipping costs. I just want them, ok? I'm going to be living in jeans and T-shirts, so clearly I will need T-shirts, and I think I can justify an extra £20 if they make me smile when I have nothing else in my approaching life of poverty. That's my list; a laptop, chocolate and some nice T-shirts. That's all I need to live on.
And tomorrow, I get to see some fishies! I'll have to actually get out of bed at a normal time to get to London, but I'm sure it will be excellent fun, and I hope the weather forecast holds.
But, I don't know. My life is about to take a big change, whatever happens. I guess its kinda like being on a rollercoster that pauses at the top of a huge drop. We've been climbing this for years and years, and our exams were months ago, and we can see the edge before the fall and the twists and turns that everyone has said is really exciting and fun, but honestly just look pretty scary here. And I'm stuck here, paused, for another 2 and a half days. It's agonising.
I've picked my laptop though. I'm still checking a couple more websites to see whether I can get it the same but cheaper anywhere, but I'm pretty happy with the price and model I''ve found already, so I think I'll order it soon. I'd like to get it before September preferably, because I want to do some serious writing in September.
I need to look up student bank accounts. God, can I please just be a student already? I clearly think I am.
I suspect in hindsight, this will turn out to be one of the stranger times in my life.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-17 11:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-18 07:59 am (UTC)Years. Years we've spent getting ready. WE'RE READY NOW, OK?! Please just put me out of my misery...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-18 01:16 am (UTC)