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Age and Identity
Oct. 18th, 2010 08:03 amIt's now Monday. It's my birthday on Sunday.
As usual, the thing has been creeping closer for sometime now, and I often do have strange ideas about age - I didn't really feel comfortable as 16 for example, in my head I basically went from 15 to 17. But this is now my last week as a teenager. That's weird.
I suppose after 20 years it might be expected that I would have some kind of confident and comfortable identity together by now, but I don't know, there is something weird about having the catch all excuse for my life of "teenager" being removed that just seems quite odd. And there isn't really anything to replace it with. I'm an adult, but I've been an adult for almost two years now and it's nothing to write home about. I'm a young person, but I've always been a young person.
I think perhaps I am just being supremely silly. When I turned 13, I wasn't struck by lightning, nothing really changed. So why is the idea of no longer being a teenager so... not bad, just, odd.
I wonder if this is why people starting getting obsessed with anti-aging treatments. Less fear of actual aging, and more that they just don't want their faces, such an important part of the identity that others regard us by, changing without our knowledge and permission.
It really does feel like a couple of weeks ago that I was having my 18th birthday party, and it was two years ago (today, I think.) That can't be right. What if I turn around and I'm 30? Spooky.
Having written this, I am actually somewhat excited for my birthday for the first time in... well, in ages, that I can remember. I'm actually not sure I've ever been this excited for a birthday. Maybe my 15th, I think that one was ok. I'm not great at birthdays, least of all my own. But I'm going to have a nice meal out and then go and see Marina and the Diamonds, who I love love love, so. That sounds like a pretty good birthday to me.
So really, what am I worried about?
As usual, the thing has been creeping closer for sometime now, and I often do have strange ideas about age - I didn't really feel comfortable as 16 for example, in my head I basically went from 15 to 17. But this is now my last week as a teenager. That's weird.
I suppose after 20 years it might be expected that I would have some kind of confident and comfortable identity together by now, but I don't know, there is something weird about having the catch all excuse for my life of "teenager" being removed that just seems quite odd. And there isn't really anything to replace it with. I'm an adult, but I've been an adult for almost two years now and it's nothing to write home about. I'm a young person, but I've always been a young person.
I think perhaps I am just being supremely silly. When I turned 13, I wasn't struck by lightning, nothing really changed. So why is the idea of no longer being a teenager so... not bad, just, odd.
I wonder if this is why people starting getting obsessed with anti-aging treatments. Less fear of actual aging, and more that they just don't want their faces, such an important part of the identity that others regard us by, changing without our knowledge and permission.
It really does feel like a couple of weeks ago that I was having my 18th birthday party, and it was two years ago (today, I think.) That can't be right. What if I turn around and I'm 30? Spooky.
Having written this, I am actually somewhat excited for my birthday for the first time in... well, in ages, that I can remember. I'm actually not sure I've ever been this excited for a birthday. Maybe my 15th, I think that one was ok. I'm not great at birthdays, least of all my own. But I'm going to have a nice meal out and then go and see Marina and the Diamonds, who I love love love, so. That sounds like a pretty good birthday to me.
So really, what am I worried about?
