FIC: Simple Really 1/1

[altogetherisi]

Title: Simple Really 1/1
Rating: G I guess. Wow, I've never written anything so... acceptable... huh...
Words: 1,079
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: Major for 1x13, and general for Torchwood s1 and the end of DW s1.
Summary: He didn't stop to think.
Warnings: Not really any I think. Again, that's a first...

My first Torchwood fic- hope it is bareable.

 

Had Jack stopped to think, he would have realised what he was doing.

 

He would have realised that the pain and misery that he had felt at being left behind, abandoned, by the Doctor long before on the Game Station was nothing to what he would be forcing onto his team. Onto Ianto in particular.

 

That last time he had died, Gwen had sat beside him for hours. She hadn’t spoken more than a couple of words, and even afterwards, when he was awake and alive and she had kept him to herself for just a little longer than was fair on the others they hadn’t really talked. They hadn’t really needed to, and that was good because Jack didn’t really have any words right then.

 

What was important then had been that they were both alive and that, on some other level perhaps, they understood each other.

 

It wasn’t romantic- indeed, Jack thought Gwen was the first person he had been this close to and not slept with since, well, since them. Their relationship was more than friendship, though he wasn’t sure what exactly it was. Gwen had Rhys, and Jack had Ianto.

 

At least, he knew that he had to have Ianto, to make the unsureness between into something real and tangible and he had to do it as soon as possible. While he had been dead there had been nothing, just like all the other times he had been dead, but as soon as he woke up he could tell that a massive amount of time had passed compared to the other times he had died.

 

He had thought of Ianto then, in those moments and realised what this death, the second in one day, when Ianto hadn’t even known that death wasn’t usually the end for him anymore, must have been like. To have him die and not even be certain of what the other felt. Had felt. But, Jack was alive again now, and he did feel.

 

As soon as he saw Ianto, he saw the uncertainty. It had been there all along, but somehow the stress and his death had stripped away most of the rest of Ianto, most of his cooler, outer layers, and the pain was right there on the surface.

 

Jack had kissed him, needed to feel Ianto almost as much as Ianto needed to feel Jack. They both needed to know that he was alive.

 

Had Jack stopped to think, he would have realised how much the pain on Ianto’s face would grow, how it would change him. He would have thought of how that same pain had changed himself, and how much worse it would be for Ianto.

 

Poor Ianto, to lose Jack three times in one day.

 

After the pain of abandonment had stopped festering in resentment and pretending to be anger and had matured into eternal yearning, Jack had known it could never be allowed to happen to him again. Torchwood had been part of that- his team knew practically nothing about him, but they knew that he knew more than they did about matters of aliens and the rift and about what needed to be done, and they knew that he was the leader.

 

When he had been dead the first time that day, they had nearly broken down, held together only by their desperate need to open the rift. By the time it was dawning on most of them that Jack was dead, that Jack was gone, Jack was back again and shouting at them about how wrong they were and it was almost as if he had never been gone, never been shot dead.

 

When he had been dead for the second time, he somehow hadn’t been gone. His body was still out and Gwen had stayed with him, and her persistent hope hadn’t reached the other members of the team, but it had stopped them from completely realising the magnitude of his death.

 

Had Jack stopped to think, he would have realised that he had set them all up for a massive fall himself, making them need and depend upon him. They could never function without him; they would never be the same without him. They would never abandon him.

 

It was selfish and Jack wouldn’t have been sure exactly how much of the set up had been his choice and how much of it was subconscious, but these people at least would never find leaving easy, would never entirely escape Torchwood and him, would never find betraying him easy or painless. These people would never get over him, and would certainly never forget him.

 

Unfortunately, life was a two way street. While it went out of its way never to be entirely fair, it certainly took delight in being increasingly ironic.

 

Had Jack stopped to think, he would have realised that his obsession had had a large part in the dependence of his team upon him. He would have realised that had he not been so in need his team would never had needed him so badly. Had he not been hurt so badly, Ianto would never have been hurt so much more.

 

He would have realised that the pain he had felt should not have been passed onto anybody else, and never as callously, never as selfishly as he had.

 

Had Jack stopped to think, he would have realised that suddenly in that one moment the world was terribly, gloriously fair, having turning the tables in his favour, allowing it to be him that was wrapped up in the most important person in the world and thinking of nobody else, not even himself.

 

He would realised that in that one moment that he had forgiven them everything and anything, so thankful was he for the coming of this moment, this second chance.

 

Had he stopped to think, Jack would have realised that he was prepared to hurt them all, even Gwen, even Ianto.

 

He would have realised, had he stopped to think, that even though his actions would be even worse than he had perceived theirs to be so long ago now, he would still choose to do them. He would always choose to do them. It wasn’t even a choice really, it was so certain.

 

Had Captain Jack Harkness stopped to think, he would have realised what he was doing.

 

He would have done it anyway, even if he had paused for a second, for a century.

 

He didn’t.

 

 

><><><

Any comments are appreciated.

Comments

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

You really nailed him! Thanks