(no subject)

 So basically I am being a massive pile of fail at the moment. I have only a thin layer of denial and fandom protecting me from the stress, misery and utter breakdown of epic proportions beneath, and it keeps cracking, adding yet more stress - ie, how long until I lose it completely worrying - to the unhappy scenario.

This has translated into a lot of generally failing in smaller ways, I don't know, as an expression of the other larger looming freakout. Like fail aftershocks. Sorry if anyone or anything has noticed or been affected by me suddenly becoming even less reliable and even more moody than usual. I'm sure what passes for regular service around here will resume shortly.

Particularly, to those people that I know are also having a shit time right now, I'm sorry that my own shit time has left me feeling less capable of being supportive to you. I really do care about you, and hope that you have other friends too right now because you are all wonderful and deserve to be told that and hugged lots while I am failing even at that.

So, that's great. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

God.

****

The original writing isn't happening right now, but a couple more bits of TSN fic have magically happened. The train home from Bristol helped. I'm not really sure what to do about this tbh, I haven't properly tried to write fic for ages. Also, despite not even having anything postable yet, and let's face it there's still about a 75% chance I never will, yet I am already remembering the insecurities about things like people reading your fic and hating it, or worse, no one reading it at all.

****

God, what a miserable post. Christ.

****

To end on a high note, the new song from Florence and The Machine is fucking fantastic.

It is kinda about suicide though. Bollocks.