Hello

Dec. 3rd, 2012 11:18 am
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 I'm home. Aaaaah.

I don't have an advent calendar (yet? I hope) but the Christmas music has been cracked. 

Another year, another failed Nano. But, I feel really good about myself anyway - I wrote more this year than in previous years, despite also having a not inconsiderable workload and generally having a lot of other stuff to do. I wrote so much that two of my good pens have now run out, and the nice notebook I thought would last all year probably won't see next term. Yes, I was almost entirely writing by hand and then typing it up. Which takes quite a lot of time, but seems to work out with productivity being up overall for me, so yeah. Some of what I wrote isn't very good, but certain passages I am rather pleased with. It has left me feeling positive and keen to keep going, even at this very slow current pace, rather than burnt out and not wanting anything to do with writing. So, yeah. Happy.

I have quite a lot (read: LOADS) of work to do this holiday so I need to um, make sure I actually do it. So many books to read! But my immediate concern is to relax and see some friends and figure out what to do about my family and also, I really want to catch up on TV haha. 

Happy December guys!

ETA: THE DUKE AND DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE ARE EXPECTING A BABY. OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
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 So I'm waiting for US election news. Polls will start to close in about 6 hours. I think Obama will win, and obviously I desperately hope he will, but I am concerned. It's a concerning time. We're all a bit anxious. I'm going to stay up all night to watch it unfold, like I did last time. Four years ago. Four years ago, a brief while, so long ago and yet really not at all. I had my first drink in a pub to celebrate Obama's election. I had just turned 18, I had just started receiving uni offers. 

Now I'm 22, and I'm back at uni. Hmmm.

***

I'm doing Nano, and I am attempting to finish The Misfit Witch. Good girl. Finish haha that's a scary word. I doubt it, I'm already rather behind. But I'm trying, I'm totally trying. I am definitely definitely going to finish Part 1, that's my real vow. And then have a decent crack at Part 2. Mert Mert Mert mostly. But today, a bit of Tawn and Burg, because I couldn't focus and could only write tiny flighty fragments. Tchuh.

***

I keep going to London at the weekends. I went the Sunday before my birthday, to see Jay Brannan with hanelissar. That was really fun - obviously Jay is one of my absolute favs, and Han hadn't been to see him live before, and beforehand we had plenty of lovely drinks and a jolly good time. Er, the next morning wasn't brilliant though. I have never been so concerned that I might actually be sick on a train. Not my finest moment. Stay classy self. On the plus side, the universe gave me a free (ie abandoned on the train, so I kept) copy of The Casual Vacancy which is cool because I was curious about it but not enough to actually buy it. Haven't read much of it yet, but bear with. Oh and that morning I had a woman taxi driver, and her taxi was really comfortable, and she was really nice, and I felt so awful but she was so nice, it really struck me.

The week after that I went back for the day on Saturday to see my brother and my dad and celebrate my birthday. We all had various travels issues but we eventually found each other and had a really good meal and some fucking amazing cake and it was a lovely day.

And this last weekend I went to see my friends A and A, to celebrate the birthday of one of the A at the other A's house. They both brought their boyfriends, and we had dinner, and then when to a goth club. All night. Now, when the idea of an "all night goth rave" was first mentioned to me, I had assumed this was hyperbole. It was not. The last tube, people who don't know London, is just before midnight generally. We set off at midnight. We got a bus at quarter to one. We got to the club a bit before 2am. And we stayed until kicking out time at 7.45am. oh my god. It took a few hours to grow on me, because I was kinda tired and cold and a bit grumpy at first, but then (morning person ahoy) about 5am I suddenly woke up and started really enjoying myself. So that was good fun.

When we left the club, it was raining heavily, and none of us had umbrellas, and I didn't have a proper coat, or even proper clothes really because hello clubbing, and we walked for about 15 minutes through this rain and omg November morning, cold cold cold wet wet wet. That was not pleasant. But! Once we had got finally made it back to A's house, looking like a collection of tired, drowned goth rats, I got to dry off and put on warm clothes, and then one of A's flatmates turned out to be an incredible angel of a flatmates because he didn't even know us and, I can't overstate how amazing this was, he made us bacon and egg sandwiches, and proper coffee. You may have read that, but you don't fully understand: he went out to the shops to buy us food, and then he cooked it for us, and he kept bringing us more, and seriously, I almost started crying because I'd been awake for about 30 hours and it was so amazing.

Then I crawled back here and slept through a lot of day and woke up in the middle of the night and completely through off my sleeping pattern but it doesn't matter because there's always tumblr isn't there.

***

I just started watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries! They're good so far, definitely enjoying and would recommend. I'm not doing all that well at fandom otherwise. But that's ok. I'm still around online more than I thought I would be tbh, and frankly it will probably go down because hello essays, but yeah. I was worried I'd just drop away entirely. 

I still haven't seen Skyfall. I might just go by myself. 

Update

Sep. 13th, 2012 10:42 am
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It's bright and sunny outside, still, but it's noticeably colder than it's been, and while it's still light when I wake up (fairly early!) in the mornings, it's definitely getting darker earlier. It was properly dark at 8pm yesterday. Seasons are changing. Remember how it rained and rained and rained, but then suddenly got sunny and warm just when the Olympics started? Like the weather was on best behaviour. And then, the first day after the Olympians and Paralympians (and Gamesmakers!) had their victory parade, which was the last London 2012 event, the very day after the Paralympics closed, it got cold. Like it was waiting. 

I love autumn, but I don't feel ready for it. This summer has been so unusual, so stressful. Not going to Greece is very odd.

*

I haven't updated here much lately, and when I have, it's mostly been private entries. LJ/DW has slowed down a lot since tumblr came along, and that's strange, and a bit of a shame. I love tumblr, of course, but it has rather different strengths and weaknesses to LJ, and fandom would be best IMO if both platforms were vibrant and used to the best abilities. Community is something very different on tumblr. "Stay out of our tag" certain people on tumblr say, and I want to shout "make an LJ comm for yourselves! lock the membership! you'll be happier!" IDK maybe they have. Fic, too, really doesn't work on tumblr, but tumblr really is great for advertising your fic. And friendships - tumblr is fun, but it's the cool things you stick up on your locker and the notes you pass around class. It isn't the best place to actually get to know someone, what's going on in their lives, what their really thoughts are like. 

I'm gonna keep posting here, unless something other than slow down stops me. I started this journal before I had internet friends that might leave a comment, so even if all of you guys disappear, I think I'll keep on. At least, that won't be the reason I stop. 

*

 My life is gonna change a bit in the next week or so. I won't know which path I'm taking until it's happening, but a fork is coming. I'll write about it when I know what's happening, rather than just "change is coming". Limbo is weird. Purgatory.  

*

At the moment, I want to write and read more than I'm actually getting to. I blame stress. Trying to force stuff you love never works as well as coming to it naturally.

I honestly can't tell whether The Misfit Witch is actually good, but I'm really determined to finish it. I don't care how long it takes me anymore - I want to finish writing a book, and I want it to be this book. Maybe I'll finish it during Nano this year.

My head has rather different gears for writing Tawn and Mert too, and it goes into Tawn more often, but stays longer in Mert once it gets there. Odd. I wonder whether other people who write split narratives feel like that. 

It only occurred to me this morning than instead of worldbuilding one world I've kinda accidentally made myself worldbuild three worlds in one, and that's one of the reasons it is such a big task. It's quite a small story, this first book, but there is so much to introduce the reader to, and figuring out how that all slots together, what the reader actually needs to know to understand, is... well, it isn't difficult exactly, but it takes thought. This book tells (only!) two stories, from two points of view, but it has six main characters meeting and interacting across three worlds, and it is actually a touch complex. I'll get there. Not because I have to, but because I truly do want to.

Then you can read it and laugh at me :P

*

How has everyone been lately?
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 I am LOVING the weather at the moment. Bright, warm sun edging into hot, the sunglasses and summer dresses are getting some use, finally! We had a very wet spring, I am glad to get to do some basking.

lc2l wrote
 a really good Avengers fic, When I Say Jump which I betaed. It is massively spoilery for the movie, and it is Loki/Clint, and so there are consent issues, and it is really rather excellent, so you should all go read it and tell her how awesome she is. 

I love Adam Lambert's new album, Trespassing! )

And also, Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds <3 )

Eurovision was last night. Embarrassed by how many songs I genuinely liked and how into it I got haha. Sweden were fair winners. I have a list of my top ten, but I'll spare you. Suffice to say my favourite was Turkey, with the boat. Inexplicably addicted to it. Creys for Slovakia not getting through to the final.

*

Writing is slow at the moment, but happening. ) 
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 Oh well.

I'm not cut up - I realised, after I went a week without writing anything, that it was very unlikely I'd catch up, and I actually gave up about a week ago, but here I am confirming it: another year, another Nano, but still no novel.

I have no discipline, I'm not good at making myself sit down and write, and I never got into any kind of daily rhythm. I did write about 10K, and most of it doesn't make me want to aggressively delete it, so that's good. And I sent some of it to lc2l and she liked it, so the month hasn't been a complete bust writing-wise.

The thing I need to decide now is this: do I want to keep on with this book, or should I give it a break and try at one of the other ideas patiently queued up in my brain? It seems ridiculous, but I've been very slowly working on this book for about 5 years now. That has included more plotting than writing, granted, but that's a long time to keep an idea to yourself, and I've been wondering whether part of the problem might be just that part of me doesn't want to share these characters and their world and their story that has been my private thing for so long. 

Two and a half years ago I had the idea for, and plotted out, Shades, the other book I think of as "on" ie more than a vague idea, something I really want to write and share, but I haven't yet written a word of it, because I've always said I wanted to get a first draft of at least the first part of The Misfit Witch done first. My instincts still say this - that for better or worse I should try to keep moving forward, however slowly, to complete this to a point that someone could read it. I do want to. But I'm wondering if maybe I should try something else instead. IDK.

Meme time

Nov. 12th, 2011 09:11 pm
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 Because I'm still procrastinating, clearly.

MEMES!

Reply with "and while we're at it, SANDIES ISN'T A NUDE BEACH EITHER" and I'll give you four fandoms.
Write about your favourite character from each fandom.

Merlin, The Social Network, The Demon's Lexicon and Doctor Who )

 

Comment to this post, and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people (including me) can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

mizzy2k gave me


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 is exactly what I am doing right now. By making this post, instead of writing for Nano.

Nano and writing blurble ) 

***

I finished the second ASOIAF book, A Clash of Kings - not sure yet whether I'll do a full review write up yet. Basically, I really enjoyed it, and was properly shocked at one death in particular. Favourite characters have shuffled slightly, so top three is now Arya, Tyrion and Sansa, but still much much love for, well, practically everyone except Joffrey basically, who I really want to stab. And I went through so many emotions with Theon, oh my gosh, his story this book was composed so well, I swung from disdain through disapproval and hate and pity and hope and bleak misery and sadness. I actually like Jaime and Cersai more now, I think because they weren't sneaking around anymore. I was losing interest in Dany a bit though, beyond laughing so much at the other characters talking about magic and the existence of dragons a lot. I hope something more interesting happens with her next book.

Next book, which I am going to get soon. Um, once I've hit 20K in my Nano. Yep.

***

I went to see The Help. I thought it was a good film, funny and fraught and a bit harrowing and breath taking at times.

I was a bit uncomfortable though because I didn't feel it was made clear which bits were fiction (ie, the vast majority) and what was real (ie, the backdrop and scenario) and also because I felt the white protag was using the black characters more to help herself than to help their situation. Which is obvious a very sensitive area, what you can do to help, what a single female individual could really do. What they were doing was presented as being so dangerously transgressive anyway. I can't really tell whether I'm frustrated that the film didn't go further as an artistic complaint, or whether what I'm really expressing here is a general frustration with the speed of civil rights progress. IDK.

But, as a film, it was well made, great acting. Apart from the primary story of the black/white racism and segregation, there was also quite a lot of male/female and middle class/working class barriers to examine, though again it was a little artificial and neat I suppose. It was also funnier than I had expected in parts. And, haha, at the beginning some of the Southern US accents were a little tricky to understand until you'd eased into it a bit. I mainly went for Emma Stone though, and on that front, I certainly wasn't disappointed. ILU Emma Stone.  
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 Devon is lovely this time of year :) Apparently it's about to get colder in the UK this week, but for now it is mostly dry, crisp and cool and autumnal. I love it here. Right this moment I am in Cafe Nero with wifi and coffee and happiness :D

I made my pilgrimage to the only independent bookshop I ever visit, and took time to find a book not only that I hadn't heard of by someone I hadn't heard of, which is one of my independent bookshop rules, but also to find one with a female protagonist (And happily, also by a female author, though I don't mind so much about that). This was slightly trickier than I would have hoped, but hey, it's a small bookshop so the sci-fi/fantasy area I tend to inhabit doesn't exactly have the widest selection. Anyway, I found a few eventually to choose between, so, triumph and victory! So far it seems good, but I've hardly started.

***

This morning, I got my creative writing over the 20,000 word mark! Yay! This is very exciting to me. I am hoping to go into Nano with about 30k under my belt, and am feeling happy and positive about this as totally possible. 

Unfortunately, this means I am vaguely uninterested in writing fic right now. I really wanted to finish the bandom AU this holiday, I got about 2000 words in. But. Well, it's unlikely. It's all there in my head, but the urge to pass it on has rather... passed. Maybe I'll come back to it when I'm blocked on original.

***

Next week is my birthday! I am a bit more excited than usual, I don't know why. For the record, if anyone here wants to give me something without spending money (this is the internet after all) I would LOVE a fanmix. I never have enough music. So, please feel free *flutters eyelashes* Just putting that out there...

New game

Jul. 14th, 2011 07:45 pm
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 I see how much writing I can do per Starbucks drink. Why does caffeine make me want to write? It is so much more reliable than waiting on regular inspiration. Just now I wrote by hand the scene from freaking Chapter One that I haven't been able to write for like, two and a half years.

Starbucks in magical, y'all, and it cures all ails.

Do you guys write by hand at all, or always straight onto the computer? I told a friend the other day that I often feel more comfortable coming up with ideas, the more pure creativity aspect, and world building and plot arc planning etc etc, by hand on to paper, into various notebooks, and she seemed genuinely surprised that I don't just always go straight for the word doc. Obviously, there is plenty that does go straight from head to computer, and fic especially, I basically always feel uncomfortable writing fic by hand now, although I used to do that rather a lot lol. But yeah. Notebooks ftw.

***

OMG IN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR I WILL SET OFF TO SEE

THE FINAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE

HOW CAN THIS BE

LIKE WHAT 

...WHERE DID MY CHILDHOOD GO???
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 I think I may have forgotten how to write. HALP.



Also, I am so ready for Doctor Who to start again. 
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 Things that are good

#EGYPT getting rid of their dictator. I am so so impressed and humbled. 18 days of peaceful protests, guys. It's beautiful. I really hope they can build something better now.

THE LATEST EPISODE OF GLEE IS THE BEST ONE EVER. EVER. I loved so so much of it. So much character development. Lauren is epic, I am totally justified in being in love with her. PLUS there was character development for Blaine - perfect, beautiful Blaine - and wow, this ep was wonderful. 

Mini's episode of Skins. Wow. Much more subtle than I was expecting. I was left surprised at how much I was despairing for her. Poor, silly, thing.


Things that are not good

Lady Gaga's new song, "Born This Way". I'm sorry. I love Gaga. I wanted to love this track. I do not. The lyrics are kinda skeevy, but also, they are painfully dull and shallow and basic. And I just don't like the music. Must try harder Gaga, because we all know you can do better. 

My total lack of interest in writing. 

More internships rejecting me.


Things I would like

Music recs.

Fic recs.

Holiday plans.
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 Here is another little bit of creative writing. I'd love it if you'd read it and tell me what you think!

Mert's eyes snapped open suddenly )
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 Politics is back. That means more flooding my twitter feed with sarcastic and inappropriate comments about UK politics and politicians (um... sorry? XD) and also, more trying my darndest for an internship. Still no luck/not good enough. *sigh* But I remain hopeful. There was one day I came home and I had two invitations to interview by email and another by phone. Clearly it had been the first day back after the holidays for going through the non urgent emails.

****

The march of time also means that most of my friends have either already gone, or are about to go back to uni. Sad. Saw three, H, A and C for coffee on Wednesday - which turned into a bit less than two hours of coffee with three of them, followed by another two and a half hours of walking around streets in the dark and sitting at bus stops having very deep conversations. At one point, my friend A and I tried to go to our favourite pub, but it wasn't there. It was just, gone. The outside was still there, but I dunno, they must be refurbishing? All the interior just wasn't there. It was the weirdest thing. I took it as a sign not to drink.

There will probably be drinking of cocktails tonight though, seeing H, L, S and C, and possibly some of their friends too later. Mmmm, cocktails.

****

I have hurt my right index finger, and possibly my right hand generally. Not badly, but I think it's strained, because some motions hurt, but other functions are totally fine - typing this with two hands is fine, for example. It might be RSI, I'm really not sure. What I am sure about is that that is my go to finger for all my point, click, and scrolling needs, and I want it to be better. The scrolling suddenly hurting was a big alarm bell though. You guys, I scroll so much. I cannot have this hurt me. So I'm trying to rest it and use my left hand, or my right ring finger which seems the most cool. It's not too bad - I am left handed, my left hand is more than adequate. It's just slightly weird realising exactly how instinctive some of the motions I make regarding this computer really are. It's trickier than not biting my nails.

****

I really need to get back to the writing - definitely looking at the end of Feb now, because progress has just dropped off. Oops. It's getting trickier. I think I'll put another extract up here, because I never share most of the time, but it does help motivate me somehow.

****

The Glee tickets are somewhere in the postal system! I think. Hope I'll have them soon. And then, that I don't lose them sometime in the next 5 and a half months.

****

There are actually loads of castles in the UK and Ireland. Way more than I thought. Hope I get to see one up close sometime...
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So, I didn't manage to win Nano. This is hardly a surprise. Oh well.

I don't mind this - I've still written a lot more than I would have if I hadn't signed up, and I just feel very happy and pleased at the progress I have made, there is no room to feel sad or disappointed in myself. I didn't get stressed about it, or force myself to write when I wasn't in the mood, and in return it didn't cause my untimely death. Seems fair. 

As well as writing a lot more than I would have done, this month I've nailed down the remaining plotting for all the main characters and begun writing entire arcs and characters that hadn't been written before, only plotted for, which has been really nice, because regardless of plotting a character only kinda becomes real when you are writing them, at least to me. I've written description of sights and scenery and action and make outs and magic and high school that before were just vague ideas, or very specific images in my mind's eye that I hadn't yet actually pinned down with words. It's felt relieving, and liberating, and actually just really wonderful to finally express some of these ideas I've had in my head and have kept from everyone else for years now. I'm remembering what it feels like to actively love writing.

And best of all, I feel like I've got a much clearer idea of how many words and how much work goes into a chapter, so I can make a more realistic estimate of what the reality of this project would be completed, and when I might do that.

Current estimates: 

- total wordcount of entire project to be around 225K
- wordcount of Part One to be around 75K
- first draft of Part One to be done by the end of January
- first draft of Part Two to be done by the end of March
- first draft of Part Three to be done by the end of May

(Part One gets longer than Two or Three because I realise I will write less over Christmas than during the boringness that is February.) 

These are just estimates, and I'm aware that not managing Nano doesn't set a great precedent for getting it done by these dates, but I dunno, I just feel so positive and hopeful about this whole thing, and I didn't have any writers block at all over the last month, so I can't help but feel like if I just keep going there's a real possibility I'll get it done. And just think - that means I could let other people read it! \o/

The only other thing is, I really need a new name for this project. Even just another temporary name. So in the true spirit of Nano, I shall spend the last few hours of today and of this month desperately trying to come up with something better than it's current working title. Determined to get something by midnight!

ETA: new working title (for however long it lasts...) is now The Misfit Witch.

So yeah. I didn't win Nano. But I just don't feel like a failure :)

In brief

May. 30th, 2010 12:05 pm
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+ The Demon's Covenant is so so good. I cannot stress this enough.

+ I am working my way through reading the entire chat transcript, with vague ~ideas about shipping charts and ficlets. I love this fandom guys.

+ The Eurovision song contest is bizarre, but somehow it has wormed its ridiculous self into my heart.

+ I am sad about David Laws, but yesterday I realised I do not want to fall wailing into Chris Crocker territory, so I am endeavouring to take a step back.

+ I want to to write! SO. Many. Things. This is my general reaction to freedom and sunshine = creativity. Possibly not as useful as actual photosynthesis, but more fun.

+ I need a Ball dress. A simultaneously scary and exciting prospect.
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~ My new debit card FINALLY arrived! I went straight to Amazon and bought a couple of YA fantasy type books to celebrate, and am thinking of enjoying the freedom to get a couple of other things as well maybe. Any recs?

~ Tomorrow I am going to London to see John Barrowman in La Cage Aux Folles. Excited! 

~ The day after is Waters of Mars! EXCITED!!!

~ I watched Glee 1x09 Wheels this morning, and it was definitely the best episode yet. Plus, the last ep of Heroes continued to be decent. Whereas with House, I was left whimpering. Because I loved it that is. Oh Chase.

~ But, hats off to FlashForward, which I swear was just. So. Good. That episode not only effected my emotional balance for the entire day, but looking back now it still is. For something so simple, so obvious, be so devastating and so incredibly uplifting simultaneously, is real beauty right there. Absolutely superb, and I need to tell everyone, EVERYONE should be watching this show. It's not complicated, its just oh so compelling and powerful. And oh my god, I love that so much. It is all I want from a show, and its crafted slowly with love. Also, how many British people are in it? Like, crazy. Dude. WATCH FLASHFORWARD YOU GUYS.

~ I have had another idea for a book. Yes, another one. And yesterday, I hestitantly wrote a page or so of the idea I said I definitely wouldn't be writing until I had either finished a proper draft of Imlie's Garden or gave up on it, so that's... huh. And, I had a horrible moment where I went "oh God, is Shades too much like Merlin?" Because, um, it has a magical boy, and a royal court, and I dunno, now I type that it seems really stupid because actually, unless Merlin develops very strangely they really aren't much alike at all. Beyond both involving a magical boy in a quite undefined fantasy past and a royal court... and ok, the boy has a mentor and there's a king and a princess and her maid as other main characters BUT I PROMISE ACTUALLY THEY AREN'T AT ALL SIMILAR. God. Has anyone else ever had that kinda insecurity, where you, the person writing, or with the idea, know it really isn't like something else, but its hard to get across how they are different when some things are on paper at least seem similar backdrop? The new idea I had a moment ago was the first time I've ever wanted to write about vampires. And yes, a teenage girl. BUT NO, IT ISN'T BLOODY TWILIGHT, geeez.

And now, I must get some dinner.
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The sky is grey. I must be back in the UK.

Actually, I got back late on Thursday, but spent most of Friday sleeping and surfing tinternet while half asleep. Then I spent the weekend in London visiting my gran and two of my cousins, one of which, along with my uncle, her father, were only in the country for a couple more days.

But, here I am again, getting comfortable again in my corner of tinternet.

I have a million things to say about the books I read on holiday. This year, I was REALLY STRICT with myself over rationing the amount I was allowed to read each day, and therefore technically did not run out of books to read! For the first time in living memory! OK, there were quite a few moments/hours when I felt kinda restless, itchy palms urge to read more, but on the most part I controlled myself.

Book thoughts )

Also, I have decided that it is OK and inevitable that I need to be writing more than one thing at a time. So I calmed down and thought about it, and so have currently two novels I actually want to write, two I'd like to plan in the future, and (excitingly) two ideas that have cautiously suggested they be short stories. Hopefully some progress will be made still on Imlie's Garden but at the moment my main focus in still on this more recent idea. Also, I have decided that if I go to Cardiff for uni I will try to pick up some of my credits from outside my department on a creative writing course if possible. Because I love it, and I should take every opportunity I am given, and because it would be great to do something different from normal academic study.

And, I am now stepping up my thinking about buying a laptop to actually, where can I buy a laptop thoughts.

Eee PCs and Linux )
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A little summary:

~ I spent a week in a house in Dinard, Brittany, France, Europe, Earth with four friends.

~ It was wonderful.

~ We went on two day trips, to St Malo by boat and to Dinan by bus; we had sun and sand and the sea; we played frisbee and mini golf and articulate; we understood and spoke French (to varying degrees); we made cocktails and invented cocktails and drank cocktails; we read books and wrote books and wrote poetry; we saw cute guys and talked about cute guys and wondered why we kept seeing that one weird ginger guy like every single day… It was all just so much fun!

~ I got sunburnt. Then it got a bit better. Then I got a bit more sunburnt. But its this morning I woke up and my shoulders weren’t red, the were a tiny bit brown. So, win.

~ I now officially like soy sauce, brie and coffee. Mmmm.

~ Somewhere between me adjusting my order because I was in France and, I suspect, they adjusting their cooking because we were English, I managed to eat a steak that was slightly more done than I would have preferred, despite, as previously mentioned, being in France. Weird. The scallops were FREAKING AMAZING though. C’etait parfait.

~ Couple of possible TDL converts, lots of ideas for TDL fanfic, plus once again seriously contemplating picking up LFA again. Tempted. Very tempted. But I also...

~ Started writing a new book. I know, I know. Now totally conflicted on how much time and energy to put into Imlie’s Garden and all its trimmings when I have shiny new characters to think about. Damn. And yet, I am so so excited about them, I just want to tell everyone. And dance and sing and laugh and write and write and write.

I expect I’ll post more about all of these things later on. But now, must go shopping, as all the food that is still in the house should have been thrown away and I currently have only fresh milk on which to subsist. Must get chocolate. And maybe some brie…

Onwards

Jun. 24th, 2009 09:48 am
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I am so completely finished with all my exams. No more qualifying. Done.

Afterward, I went to a cafe and then a BBQ with my RS teacher and RS class, which was really fun; the weather is excellent, warm and sunny, and the food and banter were both good. It was at B's house, which is nice - she has a swimming pool shaped like a coffin, and M brought a portable BBQ and there was so much food, M's dad was cooking and I swear there was like an infinite number of chicken legs. There was a strange moment when three people jumped up and drove away in search of ketchup and didn't come back for about half an hour.

Today... jus' chillin'.

Gonna start packing for going to France on Friday. Whhheeeeeeeee! I can't believe its just two days away! I and four friends are going to Brittany for a week, its my first just-friends-no-parents holiday!!! I should try to remember some French but, meh.

Later today, cocktails. And tomorrow also, pubbage. Good times.

And, I'm going to ease back into fandom things and writing and writing fic, parrticularly for TDL because I have so many ideas and I've just been trying to wait until after my exams. Which is now!

Frustration

Feb. 7th, 2009 06:08 pm
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So you know what happened today?

I had one of those brilliant moments of. Well. Not inspiration, and not motivation, but its somewhere between them, somewhere in that general region. Not only did I want to write (I basically always want to write), not only did I feel that I should be writing, that I could be writing, that I even knew what it was that I should be writing down, but I had one of those beautiful moments when writing is so simple and perfect and you can think of what you mean and it comes out as fast as you can write it down. One of those moments when writing isn't just something that I might do, or should do or could do, but when it's something so easy and fun and exciting-- like a revelation about your work and about yourself. It felt joyous. I was elated.

And then, I purposefully stopped for three hours. I knew I was squandering something incredibly precious, and it wasn't even that I was tempted to do something else, but I was asked to stop and even though I could have said this isn't a great time right now, I'm bus, I'm writing, leave me alone, come back later-- I could have, but I chose not to, even though I knew then that I might not be able to get that feeling back, even though I knew I might not get another moment like that for days, for weeks sometimes.

So now it's about three hours later. I'm gonna give it a touch more time, refresh my flist, and then tentatively try to ease back into it. It might happen still-- I haven't actually forgotten any of the things I was going to write, that isn't quite what I mean, it is-and I am, I suppose- just quite tempremental, and I can't tell whether I'll be able to flick it on as easil as a light switch or have to work at it subtly or whether I'll simply have to wait. 

It's just, I can't help mourning what I might have written in that frenzy. It's weird, because I'm pretty sure I'll write it anyway, but there's something about being so completely caught up that means when I'm not I get wistful for it. It's the kind of feeling that reminds me that writing isn't something I do because I think I'm good at it or because I want to get published, it remind me that writing is something I do because I am compelled to do so and that when I am it's ver simply the best feeling in the world. That moment of clarity and drive and beauty is the reason why I keep doing it at all, and the reason I'd never be able to give it up.

Oh, and the other thing that I wanted to post about, that has me so incredibly frustrated? 

Yesterday, it was sunny. There was still snow everwhere, but it wasn't falling out of the sky, so that was a good thing. And this morning? No new snow, clear skies, lovely and sunny. I watched the snow on the roof I can see from m computer receeding until it was practically all gone. I turn my back for lunch, and at the end of lunch? I notice that it's onl bloddy snowing AGAIN. I like watching snow. But I do not for one second want it to snow properly again tomorrow, or y'know, anytime again theis whole season actually. I AM TOO BUSY FOR SNOW. And if it snows some more, and I go to school and get even sicker again, right when I am practically well again, I am going to scream. And then, y'know, die a little.

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the camelion Poet

July 2013

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