Ishmael Dreaming

oh hi

2013-06-28T09:00:23Z

I miss LJ/DW and I miss semi-regular blogging (and I think it's good for me, because I keep writing diaryish bits and pieces in the notebook that is supposed to be for writing, ha) so I'm going to try to be around a bit more the second half of this year. And also, just to be a bit more present and involved in my whole actual life. Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

I have been super stressed out, mood swingy and miserable lately, highlights including sobbing for like an hour in my bathroom, but now I'm hoping that stuff is over and done with and I can enjoy the rest of 2013 rather a lot more. I am happy and serene and excited about the future.

I'm home from uni (and also Devon) now. I'm going to America on Tuesday SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM so that's cool. yep. Let me know if you would like a postcard :D

Still very slowly writing. Progress is glacier slow but existent. As per.

How have you been?

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Hello

2012-12-03T12:22:44Z

I'm home. Aaaaah.

I don't have an advent calendar (yet? I hope) but the Christmas music has been cracked.

Another year, another failed Nano. But, I feel really good about myself anyway - I wrote more this year than in previous years, despite also having a not inconsiderable workload and generally having a lot of other stuff to do. I wrote so much that two of my good pens have now run out, and the nice notebook I thought would last all year probably won't see next term. Yes, I was almost entirely writing by hand and then typing it up. Which takes quite a lot of time, but seems to work out with productivity being up overall for me, so yeah. Some of what I wrote isn't very good, but certain passages I am rather pleased with. It has left me feeling positive and keen to keep going, even at this very slow current pace, rather than burnt out and not wanting anything to do with writing. So, yeah. Happy.

I have quite a lot (read: LOADS) of work to do this holiday so I need to um, make sure I actually do it. So many books to read! But my immediate concern is to relax and see some friends and figure out what to do about my family and also, I really want to catch up on TV haha.

Happy December guys!

ETA: THE DUKE AND DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE ARE EXPECTING A BABY. OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

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On tenterhooks

2012-11-06T18:20:45Z

So I'm waiting for US election news. Polls will start to close in about 6 hours. I think Obama will win, and obviously I desperately hope he will, but I am concerned. It's a concerning time. We're all a bit anxious. I'm going to stay up all night to watch it unfold, like I did last time. Four years ago. Four years ago, a brief while, so long ago and yet really not at all. I had my first drink in a pub to celebrate Obama's election. I had just turned 18, I had just started receiving uni offers.

Now I'm 22, and I'm back at uni. Hmmm.

***

I'm doing Nano, and I am attempting to finish The Misfit Witch. Good girl. Finish haha that's a scary word. I doubt it, I'm already rather behind. But I'm trying, I'm totally trying. I am definitely definitely going to finish Part 1, that's my real vow. And then have a decent crack at Part 2. Mert Mert Mert mostly. But today, a bit of Tawn and Burg, because I couldn't focus and could only write tiny flighty fragments. Tchuh.

***

I keep going to London at the weekends. I went the Sunday before my birthday, to see Jay Brannan with hanelissar. That was really fun - obviously Jay is one of my absolute favs, and Han hadn't been to see him live before, and beforehand we had plenty of lovely drinks and a jolly good time. Er, the next morning wasn't brilliant though. I have never been so concerned that I might actually be sick on a train. Not my finest moment. Stay classy self. On the plus side, the universe gave me a free (ie abandoned on the train, so I kept) copy of The Casual Vacancy which is cool because I was curious about it but not enough to actually buy it. Haven't read much of it yet, but bear with. Oh and that morning I had a woman taxi driver, and her taxi was really comfortable, and she was really nice, and I felt so awful but she was so nice, it really struck me.

The week after that I went back for the day on Saturday to see my brother and my dad and celebrate my birthday. We all had various travels issues but we eventually found each other and had a really good meal and some fucking amazing cake and it was a lovely day.

And this last weekend I went to see my friends A and A, to celebrate the birthday of one of the A at the other A's house. They both brought their boyfriends, and we had dinner, and then when to a goth club. All night. Now, when the idea of an "all night goth rave" was first mentioned to me, I had assumed this was hyperbole. It was not. The last tube, people who don't know London, is just before midnight generally. We set off at midnight. We got a bus at quarter to one. We got to the club a bit before 2am. And we stayed until kicking out time at 7.45am. oh my god. It took a few hours to grow on me, because I was kinda tired and cold and a bit grumpy at first, but then (morning person ahoy) about 5am I suddenly woke up and started really enjoying myself. So that was good fun.

When we left the club, it was raining heavily, and none of us had umbrellas, and I didn't have a proper coat, or even proper clothes really because hello clubbing, and we walked for about 15 minutes through this rain and omg November morning, cold cold cold wet wet wet. That was not pleasant. But! Once we had got finally made it back to A's house, looking like a collection of tired, drowned goth rats, I got to dry off and put on warm clothes, and then one of A's flatmates turned out to be an incredible angel of a flatmates because he didn't even know us and, I can't overstate how amazing this was, he made us bacon and egg sandwiches, and proper coffee. You may have read that, but you don't fully understand: he went out to the shops to buy us food, and then he cooked it for us, and he kept bringing us more, and seriously, I almost started crying because I'd been awake for about 30 hours and it was so amazing.

Then I crawled back here and slept through a lot of day and woke up in the middle of the night and completely through off my sleeping pattern but it doesn't matter because there's always tumblr isn't there.

***

I just started watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries! They're good so far, definitely enjoying and would recommend. I'm not doing all that well at fandom otherwise. But that's ok. I'm still around online more than I thought I would be tbh, and frankly it will probably go down because hello essays, but yeah. I was worried I'd just drop away entirely.

I still haven't seen Skyfall. I might just go by myself.

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Life, or something like it

2012-10-20T12:14:57Z

Another set of stairs meet my suitcases, another fight to the death with my fitted sheet, another not very good yet internet connection. I promise the big how-my-life-works-now post is coming. Soon. Probably Monday.

*

So there's this girl.

I don't think she can read this, but if I've forgotten something and somehow she can - well, hi. I've been thinking about you.

I've talked about her here before, because we went to school together and were very good friends. We stayed close that first year after school, but then the last year or so we've drifted. I don't think we aren't friends anymore, I just think we haven't had much to say to each other. I'm certain that if we were physically nearer and able to see each other more often than once or twice a year we would remain close. The last time I saw her, months ago, I hadn't seen her for months before that, but we fit together still.

Anyway, I really miss her. And I was thinking, you know, you have to put effort into relationships, any kind of relationship. If it's worth keeping, it's worth tending. And I was thinking, I need some way to reach out to her.

And then, it hit me. I suddenly realised that the last couple of weeks, she's been reaching out to me. And I'm a complete idiot. I thought it was coincedence. But no, now I look at it, I think she has been making an effort toward me. And I don't need to reach out. I just need to reach back.

I feel a little weird about it.

*

Nano is approaching, and I think it would be wise of me to give it a miss this year, but I totally don't want to, so I might sign up and cheerfully fail once again anyway. Or maybe I'll try something like Nano, but not Nano, like writing a poem every day for November or something? IDK. I ought to buckle down and make some headway on The Misfit Witch. I keep thinking about the other books I want to write, how it might be nice to have a go at something fresh. What is everyone thinking?

*

Summer wasn't great this year, but I'm now starting to think about next year. Which currently, cautiously, provisionally, looks a bit like this: LA, CA -> Austin, Texas -> New York City, New York. Yeeeeeah.

Who has thoughts and advice about either Austin or New York? I. know. nothing.

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Update

2012-09-13T10:41:22Z

It's bright and sunny outside, still, but it's noticeably colder than it's been, and while it's still light when I wake up (fairly early!) in the mornings, it's definitely getting darker earlier. It was properly dark at 8pm yesterday. Seasons are changing. Remember how it rained and rained and rained, but then suddenly got sunny and warm just when the Olympics started? Like the weather was on best behaviour. And then, the first day after the Olympians and Paralympians (and Gamesmakers!) had their victory parade, which was the last London 2012 event, the very day after the Paralympics closed, it got cold. Like it was waiting.

I love autumn, but I don't feel ready for it. This summer has been so unusual, so stressful. Not going to Greece is very odd.

*

I haven't updated here much lately, and when I have, it's mostly been private entries. LJ/DW has slowed down a lot since tumblr came along, and that's strange, and a bit of a shame. I love tumblr, of course, but it has rather different strengths and weaknesses to LJ, and fandom would be best IMO if both platforms were vibrant and used to the best abilities. Community is something very different on tumblr. "Stay out of our tag" certain people on tumblr say, and I want to shout "make an LJ comm for yourselves! lock the membership! you'll be happier!" IDK maybe they have. Fic, too, really doesn't work on tumblr, but tumblr really is great for advertising your fic. And friendships - tumblr is fun, but it's the cool things you stick up on your locker and the notes you pass around class. It isn't the best place to actually get to know someone, what's going on in their lives, what their really thoughts are like.

I'm gonna keep posting here, unless something other than slow down stops me. I started this journal before I had internet friends that might leave a comment, so even if all of you guys disappear, I think I'll keep on. At least, that won't be the reason I stop.

*

My life is gonna change a bit in the next week or so. I won't know which path I'm taking until it's happening, but a fork is coming. I'll write about it when I know what's happening, rather than just "change is coming". Limbo is weird. Purgatory.

*

At the moment, I want to write and read more than I'm actually getting to. I blame stress. Trying to force stuff you love never works as well as coming to it naturally.

I honestly can't tell whether The Misfit Witch is actually good, but I'm really determined to finish it. I don't care how long it takes me anymore - I want to finish writing a book, and I want it to be this book. Maybe I'll finish it during Nano this year.

My head has rather different gears for writing Tawn and Mert too, and it goes into Tawn more often, but stays longer in Mert once it gets there. Odd. I wonder whether other people who write split narratives feel like that.

It only occurred to me this morning than instead of worldbuilding one world I've kinda accidentally made myself worldbuild three worlds in one, and that's one of the reasons it is such a big task. It's quite a small story, this first book, but there is so much to introduce the reader to, and figuring out how that all slots together, what the reader actually needs to know to understand, is... well, it isn't difficult exactly, but it takes thought. This book tells (only!) two stories, from two points of view, but it has six main characters meeting and interacting across three worlds, and it is actually a touch complex. I'll get there. Not because I have to, but because I truly do want to.

Then you can read it and laugh at me :P

*

How has everyone been lately?

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Bits and Pieces

2012-08-06T10:09:12Z

I met antistar_e on Saturday! She was, of course, utterly lovely :D I was a tiny bit worried to start with, because neither of us knew what each other looked like which makes picking someone out at a train station a touch daunting - after surreptitiously glancing at a few people, she approached me - of course she was the first person I had considered! We spent the day casually, just walking around town and talking with occasional breaks for cake and alcohol. It was nice :)

*

This low level but relentless stress is difficult to deal with. I feel like I hardly have any space or time for myself, which makes me tired and grumpy and aggressive. I also have a particular nagging irritation that comes from not writing when I really want to. I need to write. But for that I need time and space and to be basically happy, at least a bit. I can't function long term like this. Every time I can get a couple of hours to myself its feels like a victory I need to guard jealously. But I won't be able to feel like a proper person again until I can breathe, until I can have a few days to myself.

*

Still loving the Olympics. It's so inspiring, even events I had no idea about before. People giving their everything to really try to be the best at something, to better their own best. It's brilliant. And yes, it helps that Team GB is doing quite well :D The BBC coverage is seriously brilliant though, I hope they keep the internet streams up after it is all finished so I can watch more things I haven't had time to catch up on yet!

*

I finally listened to One Direction's album, which I downloaded ages ago but then was too ashamed to actually listen to. It's OK, probably B+ IMO, better than I was expecting. My favourite songs are Tell Me A Lie, Taken, I Want and Na Na Na I think. Mostly I can only hear three sounds though; I hear a) Harry Styles' voice b) a voice which isn't Harry Styles' which I am guessing is Liam's, but who knows tbh, it could be more than one of the others, allI know is that it isn't Harry and c) general One Direction chorus. So most of the time my brain goes "Harry! Not Harry! Oh there's Harry again!" It's cool though.

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Summer has come!

2012-05-27T10:53:40Z

I am LOVING the weather at the moment. Bright, warm sun edging into hot, the sunglasses and summer dresses are getting some use, finally! We had a very wet spring, I am glad to get to do some basking.

lc2l wrote a really good Avengers fic, When I Say Jump which I betaed. It is massively spoilery for the movie, and it is Loki/Clint, and so there are consent issues, and it is really rather excellent, so you should all go read it and tell her how awesome she is.

( I love Adam Lambert's new album, Trespassing! )

( And also, Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds <3 )

Eurovision was last night. Embarrassed by how many songs I genuinely liked and how into it I got haha. Sweden were fair winners. I have a list of my top ten, but I'll spare you. Suffice to say my favourite was Turkey, with the boat. Inexplicably addicted to it. Creys for Slovakia not getting through to the final.

*

( Writing is slow at the moment, but happening. )

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I'm tired

2011-08-31T20:54:15Z

but I refuse to sleep before 10pm, that seems vaguely pathetic.

I have a bit of a day tomorrow, might need some hugs to get through it. And joy of joys, 7 hours of being on a coach. Without wifi. Awesome. I think I'm going to reread The Magicians, since it's sequel should be waiting for me when I get home. Which I won't be allowing myself to read until I'm in Greece, but is still massively exciting. Yay it's finally on it's way! Bit concerned one book still hasn't got here. It was dispatched from somewhere else in the UK last week. I really want it to get here before I go away, I've wanted to read it since Hay Festival.

Today I went to see The Inbetweeners Movie, which I found very funny indeed. I suppose that probably says more about me and my sense of humour than the movie itself, but yeah, I liked the show and I liked the movie, and I dunno why anyone that liked the show wouldn't like the movie, so yeah. There's more nudity I suppose. I'm glad they didn't leave it how series 3 ended though. Aw, boys. Twats, and yet, sweethearts.

Oh and, going to see Jay Brannan again in October! Yay!

Really in the mood to go on holiday now. Craving sun and salad and cats and house. Last year feels like a long time ago.

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Stuff and Things

2011-05-26T15:54:35Z

The week has been a bit ...meh. It kinda got away from me? I don't have anything much to show for it. Oops.

I am officially over this "having the house to myself" lark. I miss human interaction. And having a parental unit cook and stuff. I fail at looking after myself. But, moving on. Drawing a line under that. Soon, the house will be shared with another humanoid again, and then it's going to be crazy just go go go for a month or so, what with Hay and France bookending interning (did I mention I'm going back to intern some more? I am) so if I had any sense or motivation, I'd be spending as much time as I can appreciating that my tutees have now in fact reached their exams, so that work has come to a close, and I have literally no reason to not be writing writing writing at the moment.

Yeah... as if that is happening.

****

My current obsession with TSN fandom continues apace. Also, seriously in love with Jesse Eisenberg right now. Like, a lot. A LOT. I understand that I was previously focussing on Andrew Garfield intellectually, and that initially I appreciated Jesse and thought he was cool but not the main event, but that seems LIKE UTTER MADNESS NOW. Don't get me wrong. I still love Andrew Garfield, borderline hipster, friend of Matt Smith afpihjgiusfv possesser of a very beautiful face and soul and oh so much talent and everything etc etc. But seriously people. JESSE EISENBERG. GAH. He is just utterly exquisite. Like an extremely beautiful masterpiece of dorky, nervous art. So yeah. LOVE.

I'm still technically writing TSN fic, but I got a bit back into the original stuff again, so realistically I'm not gonna produce until summer I expect. *shrugs*

I also made this ridiculous long Mark and Eduardo ...playlist? Fanmix? I've loved many many pairings, but none have ever forcibly applied themselves to so many songs in my brain. I don't really know what to do with it. Other than listen and think, god boys, why so tragic and fucked up.

****

Hey, so, what about that Doctor Who, huh? THIS SERIES IS AWESOME OK. Even the weak pirates episode was fun. Rory is getting so cool and cute and character development-y this year! The first two eps were just EXCELLENT and made me properly feel for River Song for the first time. The Doctor's Wife was lovely, just made my heart explode with EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE at the cute and the love. And last weeks, the Rebel Flesh, was great, because you could really feel the pain and confusion.

Basically, best series evah, y/mfy?!

****

Other TV stuff: Glee ended. I basically liked the ep, it was cheerful and neat and cute, and overall, I basically liked this season. Klaine! Kurtofsky! Brittana! Very much looking forward to the Glee tour in, like, a month. Just four and a half weeks away! :D

Also, slowly but surely catching up with White Collar. God I love this show. Neal of the inhumanly beautiful face, I love you. And the awesome ladies are here in force, despite (and not at all detracting from) the male-male relationship that is the focal point of the show. Oh show, I love you, I do.

****

If anyone would like a Dreamwidth invite code, holla, I just got a bunch :)

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VOTE

2011-05-10T19:47:57Z

I am currently voting my face off for Andrew Garfield to win Best Breakout Star at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards. He and/or Jesse and/or Justin and/or The Social Network are also nominated for other things - Best Male Performance, Best Line x 2, Best Movie, but I think Best Breakout Star would be the best to focus on because a) R-Patz isn't an option, so he might have a chance of winning, but mainly because b) the award is being presented by Jesse Eisenberg. So really, Andrew is supposed to win. Jesse giving Andrew an award would be all sorts of adorable. If Jesse stands up and gives that award to someone else while Andrew is sitting in the audience looking sad... well, that would be heartbreaking. Hence, voting my face off. Join me in this endeavour!

****

Today I had lunch with my mum and an old family friend at her nursing home. ( I'd never been to a nursing home before ) That part was of the day was lovely :)

****

Eurovision is the definition of ridiculous. That is all.

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So.

2011-05-02T09:00:11Z

This four day weekend is just full of news.

Last night, Osama bin Laden was killed by US forces.

It's stirred a lot of different feelings and thoughts.

Mainly amazement - it's been the best part of 10 years. And there were all those rumours a few years ago that he was fatally ill or even already dead. I guess I got used to the idea that they'd never find him.

Now... Well, realistically, the world is a very different place from ten years ago, and it's not going to revert because one more man has been killed. There are families out there that have been ripped apart by his actions and the reverberations of the consequences of his actions, and I hope they can find a modicum of comfort and closure from this action.

I suppose I welcome this news. But I can't celebrate it.

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May Day!

2011-05-01T20:04:28Z

*staggers in*

Happy May Day everyone!

I had a lovely holiday in Devon - the weather was incredible, so hot and sunny and glorious! There were many picnics and lots of lazing around in the sun on grass or on various beaches, and a fair amount of ice cream and cream teas and books and horse riding and surfing and Easter Eggs thrown in for good measure. Oh, and a Royal Wedding, which was absolutely perfect and wonderful.

Got home yesterday, in time to watch Doctor Who - goodness, I am so freaking happy that Doctor Who is back. My life is better. And it's just brilliant. Yesterday was scary and funny and touching and shocking. Everything it ought to be. Awww, Rory, and also, last night I really got River Song in a way I haven't before. I've never disliked her - and boy, some people apparently really do - but I think in the past I've seen her more as an interesting puzzle, and now I feel like I've connected to her emotionally. So that's cool.

After Doctor Who, I went straight out to stay overnight with a friend who has a particularly nice room in a very convenient place to get up early from to join in the traditional May Morning celebrations. Here, early in the morning, choristers sing hymns from atop the Great Tower. Then generally some people (try to) jump off the bridge into the river, and more sensible people like me spend an hour watching morris dancing and chatting to random friends you haven't seen for yonks but bump into because the whole town is there.

I was home by 11am, but it felt like I'd had an entire day, and on very little sleep besides - 5 hours without a pillow and with gaps is not good enough, esp not when you've just had the luxury of as much sleep as you want on holiday. And I didn't even nap, I got on with today, and now I'm knackered.

****

I have two very persistent (and now, well developed/planned) ideas for TSN fics. I haven't written fic in so long, but. Well. I kinda really really want to. So I think I just might. Not sure whether to start with the ridiculous romantic comedy or the absolute angst fest though. Anyone have a preference?

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The sun is here!

2011-04-08T12:18:37Z

It is so wonderfully sunny at the moment! Monday and Tuesday were a bit grey and damp here, while some parts of the country had proper gales. But Wednesday, and yesterday, and now today are just beautiful - sunny and warm and gorgeous. Wondering where my sunglasses are!

The niceness of outside meant there was is fact to emerge, blinking, into while LJ fought off those bloody DDoS attacks. So annoying.

I managed a tiny bit of writing while in the park the other day, and by tiny I mean tiny. I think I use a different gear when I write by hand and when I write by typing - do other people find that? And I get trapped in the ridic situation that I don't want to write by hand without checking the typed and saved plan, but I don't want to write by typing until I've copied up some of the bits and bobs in various notebooks. And then nothing gets done. Silly me. I hope when I'm in Devon in a couple of weeks, where the internet is intermittent, I will make some proper progress again.

***

This week I bought tickets for Hay Festival. I hate camping, but Hay is so awesome, so it will just have to be done. Hay is supposedly a literary festival, but to me it seems more like an interesting-people-discussing-interesting-things festival. OK, so I guess most of them have written books. Whatever, it's awesome. Simultaneously there is a second (smaller I believe) philosophy festival (read: modern thought thinking, not like classical philosophy) which I also wanna go to some of the things happening. So many things. I went to Hay two years ago, but this will be the first year I've gone without a parent and to camp! Exciting! 4492 is going and we shall share a tent and good times :)

***

I went to see Source Code. I thought it was good, very enjoyable, and better than I was really expecting it to be.

( Slightly spoilery comment re: the ending of Source Code )

Otherwise though, yeah, I really enjoyed it. And I enjoyed particularly that it didn't seem to be up itself, didn't pretend it was hugely intellectual or something. It was fun, and very good at being what it was. And Jake Gyllenhaal was great - he carried the movie really, in a good way, and I dunno, I've never really appreciated him as much as other people before (except when he was on Jonathan Ross, gave a hilarious interview including the destruction on an iPad. Lulz) but I was really getting it in this film. The cuteness. The action guy. The crazy eyes. The face crumple. I loved it all.

There were also some cool trailers before hand. Man, I love trailers. I even felt thrilled watching the one for X Men: First Class, even after the last X Men film let me down so incredibly (and lets not say anything about the god awful Wolverine.) Hope over experience and all that.

***

School friends are coming back for Easter holiday now. = pub times. Lovely.

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You know you are slightly tipsy when

2011-03-30T22:38:45Z

~ you want to tell everyone, including the internet, about it

~ you are unclear whether you have been drinking singles or doubles but either way, you are more impaired than you had expected

~ after six weeks of basically not talking about politics you finally relax a little, enough to talk vaguely about your confused political background

~ you give holiday tips to your (former) (senior) colleague

~ the idea of getting home in time for church is freaking laughable, not just something to make you feel vaguely guilty

~ you have to restrain yourself going up to a politician from a different party and gushing about how someone you kinda know met him a few weeks back and also you think he is a legend

~ every song on your mp3 player makes you sway happily

~ if was definitely a good idea not to have that last drink your friend bought you

~ you feel like the girl at the bus stop who smiled at you briefly might be some amazing kindred spirit and you really want to know whether she's canadian

~ you try to snuggle into your alcohol blanket

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Some things that are making me smile

2011-03-18T13:12:29Z

~ This feeling of absolute happiness, serenity, completeness, satisfaction that comes from finishing a (really rather good) book. I can get it from other things too sometimes, but really, it's book feeling. It's perfection. The book I just read is "Dreaming of Amelia" by Jaclyn Moriarty, which is the last in the series of "Feeling Sorry for Celia", "Finding Cassie Crazy" and "Being Bindy Mackenzie". Finding Cassie Crazy is one of my favourite things ever in the world ever ever ever. And this one was pretty damn awesome, though at points it made me rage, and feel sick, and feel heartbroken, as well as thoroughly delight and amuse me.

~ Radio 1's Longest Show Ever With Chris Moyles and Comedy Dave For Comic Relief lasted 52 hours - they started at 6.30am on Wednesday, and didn't stop, didn't sleep, kept broadcasting straight through until 10.30am today, Friday - was amazing, funny, entertaining, compulsive, and raised over £2.4 million pounds for Comic Relief. Today is Red Nose Day, so telethon tonight!

~ That it seems like spring is here. I don't have to wear my coat and scarf everywhere all the time. The tree in our front garden, which spends most of the year kinda purple, is covered in beautiful white blossom. There are daffodils on the lawn.

~ The excellency of the latest episode of Glee, which I expect I will write a separate post on, but first I want to rewatch it because it was really rather awesome and I watched the first time in between blow drying my hair and having breakfast and doing makeup before going into the office on Wednesday because I was not willing to wait until I got home. And I'm glad I didn't, because it put me in such a good mood for the rest of the day.

~ Also, thinking about the very interesting shipping potential in Skins, which is really coming into its own now, as this current series ends. Oh gen 3, you are so much better than gen 2. I love you, Skins.

~ Making plans. For Easter time, and also, now, I am going to a festival for a weekend in July in France which will be totally fun!

~ Awesome fic. I saw this on crack_van and I just have to add to it's praise and pass it on, because it's really, really, REALLY good fic. It's The Strange Disappearance of Sally-Anne Perks by Paimpont, and it's very well written Harry Potter gen that takes the name of a character that is sorted in Philosopher's Stone just after Harry and then never heard of again in the series and spins it into a brilliant, beautiful, canon compliant and complimentary story. Seriously, GO READ IT.

~ And finally, I don't watch Supernatural and don't care much about Misha Collins, but I was browsing Fandom Wank and heard about this rhino puzzle scavenger hunt thing, and I laughed so hard my dad kept asking me what was so funny and THERE WERE NO WORDS that could explain the insanity and bizarreness of Misha trolling his fandom with such careless hilarity.

How is everyone?

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RL + bookdeyada

2011-02-19T07:24:47Z

It's pathetic how tired doing a few hours of actual work makes me. I am so soft D: And also, easily frustrated in the gaps between stimulation, although luckily only internally. At least, I hope so. Thursday night, I got in and only stayed awake because I was starving and needed food.

( RL goings on )
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If you are on my flist, you probably like books and reading, at least a little, and talking to other fandom-y people. These are all excellent things! Perhaps you, then, would like to join bookdeyada_club, which ~~despite having a user account instead of a community one~~ is in fact an LJ based book club for fannish minded people. We read books, and then we talk about them. Fun, right?

If you join there's no pressure to read every book if you are being too busy or if you just don't want to that time, and anyone can nominate a book from any genre (except, I think they do have to be fiction?) which we vote for. If your book doesn't get picked the first time it is nominated, you can always nominate it again. We're all very friendly and discussion topics can be on anything - from feminism to delicious slashiness. We all come from a fandom background, which I think is great because it means we can discuss books using fandom and internet language if we want to, which I at least would so not be comfortable at a book club based at my local library or whatever.

So, if there's a book you've read recently that you think deserves to be read and discussed by more people, or if you would like some more book recs, or even if you like reading but realise you can't remember the last time you read an actual new book. Come meet likewise people at bookdeyada_club!

edited now it actually is a comm! Come join!

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Life goes on

2011-01-15T15:53:56Z

Politics is back. That means more flooding my twitter feed with sarcastic and inappropriate comments about UK politics and politicians (um... sorry? XD) and also, more trying my darndest for an internship. Still no luck/not good enough. *sigh* But I remain hopeful. There was one day I came home and I had two invitations to interview by email and another by phone. Clearly it had been the first day back after the holidays for going through the non urgent emails.

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The march of time also means that most of my friends have either already gone, or are about to go back to uni. Sad. Saw three, H, A and C for coffee on Wednesday - which turned into a bit less than two hours of coffee with three of them, followed by another two and a half hours of walking around streets in the dark and sitting at bus stops having very deep conversations. At one point, my friend A and I tried to go to our favourite pub, but it wasn't there. It was just, gone. The outside was still there, but I dunno, they must be refurbishing? All the interior just wasn't there. It was the weirdest thing. I took it as a sign not to drink.

There will probably be drinking of cocktails tonight though, seeing H, L, S and C, and possibly some of their friends too later. Mmmm, cocktails.

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I have hurt my right index finger, and possibly my right hand generally. Not badly, but I think it's strained, because some motions hurt, but other functions are totally fine - typing this with two hands is fine, for example. It might be RSI, I'm really not sure. What I am sure about is that that is my go to finger for all my point, click, and scrolling needs, and I want it to be better. The scrolling suddenly hurting was a big alarm bell though. You guys, I scroll so much. I cannot have this hurt me. So I'm trying to rest it and use my left hand, or my right ring finger which seems the most cool. It's not too bad - I am left handed, my left hand is more than adequate. It's just slightly weird realising exactly how instinctive some of the motions I make regarding this computer really are. It's trickier than not biting my nails.

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I really need to get back to the writing - definitely looking at the end of Feb now, because progress has just dropped off. Oops. It's getting trickier. I think I'll put another extract up here, because I never share most of the time, but it does help motivate me somehow.

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The Glee tickets are somewhere in the postal system! I think. Hope I'll have them soon. And then, that I don't lose them sometime in the next 5 and a half months.

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There are actually loads of castles in the UK and Ireland. Way more than I thought. Hope I get to see one up close sometime...

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The Christmas shopping still isn't finished

2010-12-21T20:00:01Z

The snow is really bloody annoying now. The only good thing remaining about this weather is that there is a massive icicle hanging outside my bedroom window. That's pretty awesome.

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Um, Americans? My aunt sent me an Amazon gift card that I redeemed before I realised that they don't let you convert $$$ from the .com store into £££ for the .co.uk site. I can't pass it on directly because I've already redeemed it, and I'm not sure whether I can use one gift card to buy another one. But would anyone like to swap $30 worth of stuff from Amazon.com for a £20 voucher for the UK site? That would really help me out.

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MARMFISH. I have been slow and disorganised, so I shall try to buy ice skating tickets tonight (read: tomorrow, probably). Everyone is easy, and didn't have a preference for skating times either :P So I think we should try to all get tickets for 15.00-16.00 at Somerset House first, and if that is sold out, 16.15-17.15 at Somerset House. Yes? Good.

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I would really love some fic recs. Preferably for something pretty long and with some plot. Anyone got any suggestions?

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More meme stuff

2010-11-25T12:36:59Z

I applied for JSA on Tuesday, which I suppose is why I now have two possible interviews and an offer of a "trial shift" for work. Hopefully any of these sources will decide to give me some money soon, Christmas is coming!

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Can I just say, OMG KURT. In the latest episode of Glee, "Furt". My heart is breaking. Chris Colfer needs to win some kind of award for his acting, an Emmy? Is that what Emmys are for? Seriously, so so good. As usual, the rest of the storylines in that ep are kinda shitty, and I'm not appreciating vaguely nice Sam messing with awesome Quinn, but whatevs. KURT. OH MY GOD. SO GOOD. This confirms and continues the pattern of "good ep, bad ep, good ep, bad ep". Which is really irritating. Come on Glee, why not "good ep, good ep, even better ep"?

Also, there was no singing in this ep for at least the first 15 minutes. It was not missed particularly, because I only would have wanted Kurt to sing and it might have messed with the tension in his acting scenes, so. I don't really care for Ceelo, but it was nice to see the Glee club finally stick up for Kurt, and to tell the gay character on no uncertain terms that he's perfect "just the way you are."

I've said it before, I'll say it again - Burt Hummel looks so completely surprisingly different without his hat. He's a pretty great father though.

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Anyway. Since I'm wasting my life, here is some meme-age, ganked from bearodactyl. Because I'm contrary I'm not doing it properly, just picking out the bits I want, the beginning and the end. But in case anyone wants the complete set of 10, it's meant to be

10 things you want to say to 10 people right now
9 things about yourself
8 ways to win your heart
7 things that cross your mind a lot
6 things you wish you'd never done
5 people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever)
4 things that turn you off
3 things that turn you on
2 smileys that describe your life right now

( 1 confession )

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Life

2010-11-22T19:46:15Z

It's weird not being alone anymore. Meals regularly happen, and without me going shopping. Sometimes the bathroom isn't free. I have to worry about playing music too loud. It's nice though. Conversation is good.

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I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One. In fact, I've seen it twice now, once on Friday and once on Saturday. I am itching to go see it again, it is so so good.

I was particularly amazed by Emma Watson, who usually annoys me and suddenly seemed to be doing a really really good job acting Hermione brilliantly! She easily carried several scenes, and was poised and just, did a great job. I don't know what happened to bring on this change, but - Hurrah!

Probably going to do a post about the things I really really loved, but for now, just know that I loved it.

Keen to find a chance to see it in IMAX with laliandra and hanelissar (do other marm fish wanna come too?) sometime, hopefully this side of Christmas.

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I feel like I'm getting skinnier, but I don't seem to be losing weight. I'm not sure how that works. I mean, even if I'm losing muscle mass I'd have to be getting fatter for my weight to remain the same. And I'm certainly not replacing fat with muscle at the moment, haven't been to the gym in ages. I'm not trying to lose weight btw, though not to gain it either. Clothes are looser, and sometimes I find myself touching my arms curiously, thinking I'm skinnier in places. But then I feel like my torso is exactly the same.

Perhaps this is some psychological desire/expectation to put on weight for winter, and by not doing so my mind is confused or trying to convince me to?

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Nano is not going well, at all, but I just can't feel upset or anxious about it. I've written little, but having written at all just makes me feel all happy and proud. I'm not complaining.

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Last night's Garrow's Law was beautiful and heartbreaking. If you don't know, Garrow's Law is a courtroom drama, but set in Georgian London so it is also a period drama and full of social injustice themes. Last night, Garrow was defending a man accused of sodomy, and non consensual sodomy at that, that was facing the death penalty. His accuser was his partner, and that partner's wife, and were the partner to suggest the sex was consensual he too would be facing the death penalty. The whole thing was just fraught.

The accused gay man was played by Andrew Scott, who was Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, and he gave such a beautiful, subtle and heartbreaking performance as a man that can't tell the truth to his own lawyer and despite the situation is still so in love with the man that accuses him. The end was so heartbreaking, there was a real tear in my eye.

If you missed it and can get the iPlayer do watch it, such a good episode. Gorgeous.

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Also on TV - tonight, two friends of mine will be on University Challenge. So if you can, watch it!

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Royal Wedding!

2010-11-16T19:47:10Z

Excitement, for today William and Kate's engagement was announced!

They seem very happy and well matched, so congrats and best wishes to them :D

...somehow this translates to me as a very good excuse to reread Drastically Redefining Protocol :P

But oh my god, I am so behind on my Nano, I must get back to it. Crazy teenagers aren't going to discover magic and have adventures and make out on their own, now are they.

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Off again

2009-09-08T09:39:56Z

Today I am going to Devon for two weeks. It is beautiful and lovely (although I'm think the weather doesn't look great right now, but meh). I might get online occasionally, but at slow dial up speeds and not everyday. So I might pop up but mostly I won't, and I definitely won't be in chat fishies! I hope I will get some writing done, and also learn Hebrew, and I've got a couple of classics to read to see whether I might wnat to read such famous authors more. I hope they are as good as has been suggested.

Yesterday I went to the fair, which was fun and excellent, despite initial difficulties finding the friends I was meant to be meeting. I don't do serious scary rides but had a wonderful and hilarious time on the pimped out tea cups, riding a chicken, on a weirdly personalised ghost train and being slammed into my friends as we were spun around and around and around... Then we got noodles and finished up in the pub, which is a decent way to end any day out and help balance out the candyfloss. Mmmm.

Thinking about a trip to the Globe - I've never been! And apparently there is a good As You Like It complete with an ex-History Boy, so may have to check that out if possible. Much flailing occured over realising we wouldn't all see awesome movies together, and planning long trips to end up together for a weekend and thus able to. Or something.

But yes. That was yesterday, And now, I must pack, or I will never leave.

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ARGH

2009-09-06T08:33:00Z

I just had a major scare, where I think virus fake anti-virus thing installed itself, told me I had loads of crap, tried to force me to give it credit card details, then I couldn't turn it off, I couldn't delete it, it took over the background of my desktop, it was trying to intimidate me... ARGH.

I restored the system and I think its ok now. But I was seriously panicking. My beautiful baby in trouble! It seriously freaked me out.

In other news...

I bought my Hebrew textbook, and have started to learn the alphabet. Alphabets should not be complicated. But this alphabet-- well. There are no vowels. I don't even know how to begin to learn to pronounce a language which HAS NO VOWELS. Perhaps I can think about it like txtspk, maybe that will help. There are three different s s s. And some of the letter look pretty similar. Oh, and I know they have this in Greek as well, but when people do this ' and expect me to know what that sounds like... well, I'm sorry, but I don't.

I mean, I know I'll get it if I just focus and then when I get to Cambridge I'll probably wish to be learning something as ridculously simple. But still. I already know the Greek alphabet. And absolutely everyone else in the appropriate facebook group is taking Greek. And I dunno, I kinda wonder why I picked Hebrew in the first place, am I just making life more difficult for no particular reason? Originally, I had my heart set on learning Arabic and reading the Koran and wouldn't that be awesome? But then I was concerned that Arabic doesn't seem to have any supervisions, plus no Qu'ranic study modules until next year, whereas I am taking both the OT and NT modules available this year. But again, why exactly have I turned away from Greek? I mean, I think I thought Greek was boring. But now, I'm starting to think, well, maybe I'd rather read the NT than the OT anyway. Hebrew??? Sounds really cool, but honestly - why???

*sigh* Maybe all this will come to nothing. Clearly I like double guessing myself.

I got another big pack of stuff from Pembroke, but as of yet nothing fun - it was serious stuff outlining bills and rules and stuff. But at least I now know my room number and my rent etc, so I then spent a while making an accounts spreadsheet trying to figure out budgets and estimate how much I might need for food etc, try to see how much I'll have at the end of the year.

Oh and also, Sarah Rees Brennan wrote another part of her Big Idea stories, which give back story for characters from her debut The Demon's Lexicon. This one is about Marie, Daniel and Olivia, who I particularly adore. Some people in the fandom expressed less than love for Olivia, but to me I find her extraodrinary, amazing; I adore her as a character and kinda would love to have a chat with her as a person. I mean, I have much love for Daniel and Marie as well, of course. I mean, clearly I adore every single character Sarah writes. (OMG I love Seb McFarlane SO MUCH he is utterly wonderful and excellent). I really can't help this. They are so beautiful, and I don't mean physically. Beautiful and rounded and whole. And so I adore them.

Anyway. There are no spoilers for The Demon's Lexicon, and this stands alone. So anyone that has maybe seen me raving about it should read it, get a feel for sarah's writing and beautiful character crafting, and then if they like it they should definitely read The Demon's Lexicon. It is The Arundel Tomb and everyone should read it.

So yes. Everybody read that. Because it rocks, Olivia rocks (Seb McFarlane rocks), Sarah rocks.

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And...

2009-08-22T11:22:37Z

Life continues. Apparently.

Sometimes I've found myself just in a happy haze. Thursday, I kept bursting out laughing and giggling, and Friday and today I'm more incredible chilled and serene. Sure, my hard work is to be rewarded with even harder work in my future, but for now, I have done it! I have achieved. And I am very happy about this.

Thanks for all the congratulations you guys! It means a lot and had me :D for hours. And, I repeat my own congratulations to all my flisters who are also starting uni soon! Well done for all your work - we are all going to have such a great time!

I've just spent over an hour reading stuff about freshers and about various clubs and societies and opportunities at Cambridge, and there are so many cool and exciting things. Blatantly, I am going to join far too many in the first week, then realise I actually need some time to, I don't know, work, and have to stop most of them. But yes. There is an Amoral Science society! A Writers Guild! An Assassins Guild! And, and fencing and sailing and gliding and shooting and archery which I used to ADORE. And a Harry Potter club. And soooo many other things...!

I tried to order my netbook yesterday but I'm not sure it went through properly. I should get it within a week though, I hope. And then, it will need a name... hmmm... Plus, I want a new mp3 player, and an absolutely gorgeous leather bound notebook, and one of those amazing glass ink quill/pen things of amazingness. They are seriously what anyone that likes writing of any kind longs for and theres a particular shop near me that looks like it hasn't changed for about two hundred years that sells such things and I adore that shop and I've only ever ought presents for other people in there. So now, I shall buy myself some presents, and indulge myself shamelessly. These are my rewards. Then, come October, it will be the beginning of my life of frugalness.

...Sure it will be.

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Some thoughts

2009-08-17T18:43:45Z

I really haven't been very sociable the last couple of days. A couple, I just stayed in my pjs all day. So much of my future, of my life is on hold. I think about it, what clothes I'll take, what societies I'll join, and some things I have two parallel plans for - how frugal I have to be, what, other than Theology, I'll study, whether I'll look for a job. In my diary, I have two sets of dates for shows penciled in, depending on what city I'll be in at that month.

It was nice today to meet up with my friend C - I haven't seen her since our school leaving Ball, over a month ago now, and we wailed about such things together. We could go to Cambridge together, or we could be separated by, I dunno, 100 miles I guess, maybe more. At least with some of my friends, I know they'll be far away from me. We try not to talk about what we'd do there if we both get in but its tricky, things slip out and then I feel weird. She'll get in easy, and so will a couple of my other friends, and then there's me and ok a couple of other people for whom its really uncertain. Its killing to know that everyone else - the university, ucas, our school - already know.

But yes. It was lovely, casual, normal and relaxing to meet her and trail around some shops, like we've done a hundred times before. I haven't really shopped, except a pilmgrimage to H&M last weekend when I was in London, since before exams, and maybe I'm a complete girl that's been ruined by a consumerist society, but it is nice to shop. Really, to find something that looks really nice and you can actually afford and you can think of several ways you could wear it. It doesn't always help if I'm depressed or miserable, but as a way to spend an afternoon, generally, highly recommended. Aaah. I'm also highly considering blowing more money than I would spend in a shop on a couple of T-shirts of tinternet and the shipping costs. I just want them, ok? I'm going to be living in jeans and T-shirts, so clearly I will need T-shirts, and I think I can justify an extra £20 if they make me smile when I have nothing else in my approaching life of poverty. That's my list; a laptop, chocolate and some nice T-shirts. That's all I need to live on.

And tomorrow, I get to see some fishies! I'll have to actually get out of bed at a normal time to get to London, but I'm sure it will be excellent fun, and I hope the weather forecast holds.

But, I don't know. My life is about to take a big change, whatever happens. I guess its kinda like being on a rollercoster that pauses at the top of a huge drop. We've been climbing this for years and years, and our exams were months ago, and we can see the edge before the fall and the twists and turns that everyone has said is really exciting and fun, but honestly just look pretty scary here. And I'm stuck here, paused, for another 2 and a half days. It's agonising.

I've picked my laptop though. I'm still checking a couple more websites to see whether I can get it the same but cheaper anywhere, but I'm pretty happy with the price and model I''ve found already, so I think I'll order it soon. I'd like to get it before September preferably, because I want to do some serious writing in September.

I need to look up student bank accounts. God, can I please just be a student already? I clearly think I am.

I suspect in hindsight, this will turn out to be one of the stranger times in my life.

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