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aka the only sporting event I bet money on.

I don't know anything about horse racing, but I read some of the newspapers and looked at their colours - I simply can't choose unless I can be drawn to the jersey pattern. I picked two horses I liked, one with quite a good chance and one that's was more of an outsider. I was more strongly drawn to the first one I picked, because as soon as I saw the pattern I was like "That's my horse."

But then the second one kinda attracted me too, and after I'd put money on each of them I started to think a lot more of the second one. I kinda wanted to snuggle it. I felt all fond. I still liked the look of the first, but the second was the one I kept looking for when they were walking around the paddock. 

The first horse I'd picked, straight off, was 10. Ballabriggs; the second one I was drawn to was 7. Dooney's Gate.


Ballabriggs won.

Yayness!! Woohoo! Very happy, very excited, slightly proud, ever so slightly richer. Very smiley :D :D :D This is the second time I've picked a winner. Ohh yeah. I rock. You can't touch this ~! Good horsie. #winning


And then I heard. My other horse, who had fallen quite early. Dooney's Gate. Had died.

I don't know anything about this horse. I hadn't heard of it before today. If it wasn't wearing its number or had the jockey with the distinctive colours I couldn't pick it out of a line up. Without looking it up again I can't remember any of its statistics or anything. But in my purse I have a slip of paper with it's name on it. For whatever reason, I picked it. And I'd wanted to snuggle it. And now it's dead.

I'm a bit upset.
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 Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I had these bits of thoughts that I was thinking about posting about, mainly about interning and stuff, but I was too busy working or too tired from working to make that post. Then I woke up this morning and groped for the internet, as is my way, and then spent hours and hours thinking only of the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are hitting Japan and, it seems, warned for in every country in the area.

It's awful. Of course it's awful, it's terrible, it's horrendous. It's the 7th biggest earthquake ever recorded, and could the world maybe catch a break from natural disasters anytime soon? I would say recently, but it feels like it's just been almost constant over the last year or two years or something. Probably, that's just what the world is like when you start paying attention, but it's just crazy.

But it's also weird, because of things like Twitter, and streaming footage, and 24 hr news, I can sit here in my bed, in my house, in England, with the sun shining and the birds singing, and I can watch people desperately driving away from a wall of water which will probably kill them. I can sit here, and I can tweet about how terrible it is, but the fact that it's still going on, that in some way I'm witnessing it develop as it happens yet am so incredibly removed from the situation itself and so powerless to alter it in anyway-- it makes me feel skeevy. I believe that paying attention to the news and to the world is important, hugely important, of course it is, but now I'm starting to feel like a spectator just waiting to hear the next thing, and I feel like for a little while at least I need to tear myself away and then come back to it later. I don't think it will make me unfaithful to this horrendous event, to the people that are losing their homes and lives. I hope it doesn't anyway.

But there's just something, about the vastness of the Pacific and the speed of the internet and the timezones, so that people in Europe can be awake and knowing that a massive tsunami is probably heading toward all these place, about seeing time predictions for when they might hit, and some of these places hadn't been awake, or had no where to evacuate too, or there's nothing to be done really. And knowing about a disaster coming, steadily approaching but that hasn't yet happened, just

Freaks me out a bit. Makes me feel even worse than when a disaster happens in the past tense. 

It's one thing when a disaster has ongoing consequences. But this one hasn't even finished it's second act yet, and there's nothing I can do, there's nothing anyone on this side of the planet can do, there are no boats or planes that could get to these places as fast as the water and yet the water, compared to the information telling us it's probably going to happen is so slow and yet, almost inevitable surely by now

It's like death itself.

And, now I feel like a melodramatic twat. And a selfish, horrible human being. And I should keep watching the footage, but I should also get some food and some fresh air and think about some other things. And then somehow scape together some money for the relief effort from somewhere. And just generally stop always fucking thinking about myself. God, Isi, come on. The first rule of life is, it's not all about you, ffs. 

Is it worse to not be able to tear yourself away from watching a car crash, or to be able to?
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 Across the living room from where I sit typing, I can see a dead bee.

I presume it is dead. It isn't moving. It used to move. Now it does not.

I noticed it a couple of days ago, on Friday I think. It was buzzing rather animatedly, and understandingly, considering its plight. Somehow, it had managed to be trapped in the small space between the inside of the glass of the closed window and the panel of perspex that happens to be installed over these particular windows as an additional type of insulation. The window cannot be opened without removing this perspex, which is a tricky affair. I couldn't do it myself, and my dad didn't have time.

I watched the poor thing a little. It's large, and I like bees, and they're rare, and they strike me as beautiful and kind. 

And then I forgot about it. And now it's dead. I feel sad, and I wonder how it got in there, and I wish I had bothered to save its life. 

In brief

May. 30th, 2010 12:05 pm
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+ The Demon's Covenant is so so good. I cannot stress this enough.

+ I am working my way through reading the entire chat transcript, with vague ~ideas about shipping charts and ficlets. I love this fandom guys.

+ The Eurovision song contest is bizarre, but somehow it has wormed its ridiculous self into my heart.

+ I am sad about David Laws, but yesterday I realised I do not want to fall wailing into Chris Crocker territory, so I am endeavouring to take a step back.

+ I want to to write! SO. Many. Things. This is my general reaction to freedom and sunshine = creativity. Possibly not as useful as actual photosynthesis, but more fun.

+ I need a Ball dress. A simultaneously scary and exciting prospect.


Jun. 26th, 2009 06:57 am
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I'm going in about an hour! 

I spent ages fighting with my luggage yesterday, trying to reduce it under 10kg, and making sure I don't have any liquids over 100ml, and trying to figure out exchange rates. I'm so glad its overcast and might rain a whole lot today - not just because I'm leaving, because I'm not going very far and Brittany basically has the same kinda weather as the UK, but mainly because it means I can wear m jeans and hoodie to the airport without boiling, and therefore do not have to put them in the suitcase. Seriously, I am weirded out by my lack of stuff. I am hardly taking any paper, despite intending to do loads of writing, because its heavy, and I'm only taking two books to read. At least I can buy paper if I need it - I only read French a tiny bit better than I speak it, which is little to none.

Michael Jackson )
But, back to my life, in which I'm excited to be going on holiday! So, mixed times.

I hope everyone is ok, and I'll be back in a week!


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the camelion Poet

July 2013



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