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 ~ you want to tell everyone, including the internet, about it

~ you are unclear whether you have been drinking singles or doubles but either way, you are more impaired than you had expected

~ after six weeks of basically not talking about politics you finally relax a little, enough to talk vaguely about your confused political background

~ you give holiday tips to your (former) (senior) colleague

~ the idea of getting home in time for church is freaking laughable, not just something to make you feel vaguely guilty

~ you have to restrain yourself going up to a politician from a different party and gushing about how someone you kinda know met him a few weeks back and also you think he is a legend

~ every song on your mp3 player makes you sway happily

~ if was definitely a good idea not to have that last drink your friend bought you

~ you feel like the girl at the bus stop who smiled at you briefly might be some amazing kindred spirit and you really want to know whether she's canadian

~ you try to snuggle into your alcohol blanket
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 Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I had these bits of thoughts that I was thinking about posting about, mainly about interning and stuff, but I was too busy working or too tired from working to make that post. Then I woke up this morning and groped for the internet, as is my way, and then spent hours and hours thinking only of the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are hitting Japan and, it seems, warned for in every country in the area.

It's awful. Of course it's awful, it's terrible, it's horrendous. It's the 7th biggest earthquake ever recorded, and could the world maybe catch a break from natural disasters anytime soon? I would say recently, but it feels like it's just been almost constant over the last year or two years or something. Probably, that's just what the world is like when you start paying attention, but it's just crazy.

But it's also weird, because of things like Twitter, and streaming footage, and 24 hr news, I can sit here in my bed, in my house, in England, with the sun shining and the birds singing, and I can watch people desperately driving away from a wall of water which will probably kill them. I can sit here, and I can tweet about how terrible it is, but the fact that it's still going on, that in some way I'm witnessing it develop as it happens yet am so incredibly removed from the situation itself and so powerless to alter it in anyway-- it makes me feel skeevy. I believe that paying attention to the news and to the world is important, hugely important, of course it is, but now I'm starting to feel like a spectator just waiting to hear the next thing, and I feel like for a little while at least I need to tear myself away and then come back to it later. I don't think it will make me unfaithful to this horrendous event, to the people that are losing their homes and lives. I hope it doesn't anyway.

But there's just something, about the vastness of the Pacific and the speed of the internet and the timezones, so that people in Europe can be awake and knowing that a massive tsunami is probably heading toward all these place, about seeing time predictions for when they might hit, and some of these places hadn't been awake, or had no where to evacuate too, or there's nothing to be done really. And knowing about a disaster coming, steadily approaching but that hasn't yet happened, just

Freaks me out a bit. Makes me feel even worse than when a disaster happens in the past tense. 

It's one thing when a disaster has ongoing consequences. But this one hasn't even finished it's second act yet, and there's nothing I can do, there's nothing anyone on this side of the planet can do, there are no boats or planes that could get to these places as fast as the water and yet the water, compared to the information telling us it's probably going to happen is so slow and yet, almost inevitable surely by now

It's like death itself.

And, now I feel like a melodramatic twat. And a selfish, horrible human being. And I should keep watching the footage, but I should also get some food and some fresh air and think about some other things. And then somehow scape together some money for the relief effort from somewhere. And just generally stop always fucking thinking about myself. God, Isi, come on. The first rule of life is, it's not all about you, ffs. 

Is it worse to not be able to tear yourself away from watching a car crash, or to be able to?
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 I'm home! I spent Friday in the office, and now so far I'm spending Saturday in bed glorying in the internet.

My friends were on University Challenge again. Watch it before the iPlayer deletes them!

And now, some thoughts on what went down in Glee 2x14 Blame It On The Alcohol.

There were no thoughts written about 2x13 because it was shit and confirmed for me that I don't care for Sam and that was about the extent of my reaction. But. 2x14.

There are spoilers for the ep in this post )

Anyway, so. The whole Kurt, Blaine and Rachel storyline. 

I'll start with Blaine )

Well, I can't be mad at Blaine for long, he's too lovely.

It's all about Rachel )

Poor Kurt )

So, to sum up - this storyline was strange, ultimately a bit pointless and involved everyone acting in a hurtful and ignorant manner, and no one really grew as a character, except possibly Blaine but actually not really.

The acting was awesome though.

Kurt's dad attitude to his son's as yet hypothetical sex life )

Other things that I remember thinking about during this episode:

Lol I recognise this song from Johnny Weir fandom.

I don't really like Sam anymore, but thought his hair looked good ruffled after kissing Brittany. I choose to believe that Santana wanted him off Brittany as much as she wanted Brittany off Sam. Need more Brittana! Or Santtany, as she said on that lolarious five way phone convo.

I just don't like Artie, he's a tool.


Lol crushed Oreos.

You people really need to understand that being single doesn't mean your life is empty and meaningless and you must be miserable.

Seriously, what are wine coolers?

All the songs were boring.

Darren Criss is basically perfection.
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 Things that are good

#EGYPT getting rid of their dictator. I am so so impressed and humbled. 18 days of peaceful protests, guys. It's beautiful. I really hope they can build something better now.

THE LATEST EPISODE OF GLEE IS THE BEST ONE EVER. EVER. I loved so so much of it. So much character development. Lauren is epic, I am totally justified in being in love with her. PLUS there was character development for Blaine - perfect, beautiful Blaine - and wow, this ep was wonderful. 

Mini's episode of Skins. Wow. Much more subtle than I was expecting. I was left surprised at how much I was despairing for her. Poor, silly, thing.

Things that are not good

Lady Gaga's new song, "Born This Way". I'm sorry. I love Gaga. I wanted to love this track. I do not. The lyrics are kinda skeevy, but also, they are painfully dull and shallow and basic. And I just don't like the music. Must try harder Gaga, because we all know you can do better. 

My total lack of interest in writing. 

More internships rejecting me.

Things I would like

Music recs.

Fic recs.

Holiday plans.
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 The snow is really bloody annoying now. The only good thing remaining about this weather is that there is a massive icicle hanging outside my bedroom window. That's pretty awesome.


Um, Americans? My aunt sent me an Amazon gift card that I redeemed before I realised that they don't let you convert $$$ from the .com store into £££ for the site. I can't pass it on directly because I've already redeemed it, and I'm not sure whether I can use one gift card to buy another one. But would anyone like to swap $30 worth of stuff from for a £20 voucher for the UK site? That would really help me out.


MARMFISH. I have been slow and disorganised, so I shall try to buy ice skating tickets tonight (read: tomorrow, probably). Everyone is easy, and didn't have a preference for skating times either :P So I think we should try to all get tickets for 15.00-16.00 at Somerset House first, and if that is sold out, 16.15-17.15 at Somerset House. Yes? Good. 


I would really love some fic recs. Preferably for something pretty long and with some plot. Anyone got any suggestions?


Nov. 22nd, 2010 06:56 pm
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It's weird not being alone anymore. Meals regularly happen, and without me going shopping. Sometimes the bathroom isn't free. I have to worry about playing music too loud. It's nice though. Conversation is good.


I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One. In fact, I've seen it twice now, once on Friday and once on Saturday. I am itching to go see it again, it is so so good.

I was particularly amazed by Emma Watson, who usually annoys me and suddenly seemed to be doing a really really good job acting Hermione brilliantly! She easily carried several scenes, and was poised and just, did a great job.  I don't know what happened to bring on this change, but - Hurrah! 

Probably going to do a post about the things I really really loved, but for now, just know that I loved it.

Keen to find a chance to see it in IMAX with laliandra and hanelissar (do other marm fish wanna come too?) sometime, hopefully this side of Christmas.


I feel like I'm getting skinnier, but I don't seem to be losing weight. I'm not sure how that works. I mean, even if I'm losing muscle mass I'd have to be getting fatter for my weight to remain the same. And I'm certainly not replacing fat with muscle at the moment, haven't been to the gym in ages. I'm not trying to lose weight btw, though not to gain it either. Clothes are looser, and sometimes I find myself touching my arms curiously, thinking I'm skinnier in places. But then I feel like my torso is exactly the same.

Perhaps this is some psychological desire/expectation to put on weight for winter, and by not doing so my mind is confused or trying to convince me to?


Nano is not going well, at all, but I just can't feel upset or anxious about it. I've written little, but having written at all just makes me feel all happy and proud. I'm not complaining.


Last night's Garrow's Law was beautiful and heartbreaking. If you don't know, Garrow's Law is a courtroom drama, but set in Georgian London so it is also a period drama and full of social injustice themes. Last night, Garrow was defending a man accused of sodomy, and non consensual sodomy at that, that was facing the death penalty. His accuser was his partner, and that partner's wife, and were the partner to suggest the sex was consensual he too would be facing the death penalty. The whole thing was just fraught.

The accused gay man was played by Andrew Scott, who was Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, and he gave such a beautiful, subtle and heartbreaking performance as a man that can't tell the truth to his own lawyer and despite the situation is still so in love with the man that accuses him. The end was so heartbreaking, there was a real tear in my eye. 

If you missed it and can get the iPlayer do watch it, such a good episode. Gorgeous.


Also on TV - tonight, two friends of mine will be on University Challenge. So if you can, watch it!

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 Across the living room from where I sit typing, I can see a dead bee.

I presume it is dead. It isn't moving. It used to move. Now it does not.

I noticed it a couple of days ago, on Friday I think. It was buzzing rather animatedly, and understandingly, considering its plight. Somehow, it had managed to be trapped in the small space between the inside of the glass of the closed window and the panel of perspex that happens to be installed over these particular windows as an additional type of insulation. The window cannot be opened without removing this perspex, which is a tricky affair. I couldn't do it myself, and my dad didn't have time.

I watched the poor thing a little. It's large, and I like bees, and they're rare, and they strike me as beautiful and kind. 

And then I forgot about it. And now it's dead. I feel sad, and I wonder how it got in there, and I wish I had bothered to save its life. 
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Hello, new people I have friended lately!


 I'm having a lot of thoughts about the future. Serious thoughts about serious stuff.

Some of it is sad. Some of it is exciting. Some of it seems like a dream. I simultaneously want to keep it all to myself and tell everyone. Strange times.


I don't watch Supernatural. But from the look of my flist, something major went down, and now I'm all curious. Anyone?


I had dinner with some friends last night that are unreal. M and B are marvellous precisely because they are kinda toff-y, and Cambridge-y and wonderful, the kinda of person that is stereotypically Cambridge, very Brideshead. If they were fictional characters, I'd be all annoyed because most people here are not at all like that. But they are. And they are such nice people and so so delightful. M loves three piece suits and pocket squares. So lovely.


Tomorrow I'm going to see Flight of the Conchords! I'm excited you guys. I am slightly worried about the possible return of the volcanic ash cloud, just when my friend N is due to return to the country. Come on volcano gods, hold off just a couple more days, please?


Food now, Doctor Who later.


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the camelion Poet

July 2013



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