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 So I'm waiting for US election news. Polls will start to close in about 6 hours. I think Obama will win, and obviously I desperately hope he will, but I am concerned. It's a concerning time. We're all a bit anxious. I'm going to stay up all night to watch it unfold, like I did last time. Four years ago. Four years ago, a brief while, so long ago and yet really not at all. I had my first drink in a pub to celebrate Obama's election. I had just turned 18, I had just started receiving uni offers. 

Now I'm 22, and I'm back at uni. Hmmm.


I'm doing Nano, and I am attempting to finish The Misfit Witch. Good girl. Finish haha that's a scary word. I doubt it, I'm already rather behind. But I'm trying, I'm totally trying. I am definitely definitely going to finish Part 1, that's my real vow. And then have a decent crack at Part 2. Mert Mert Mert mostly. But today, a bit of Tawn and Burg, because I couldn't focus and could only write tiny flighty fragments. Tchuh.


I keep going to London at the weekends. I went the Sunday before my birthday, to see Jay Brannan with hanelissar. That was really fun - obviously Jay is one of my absolute favs, and Han hadn't been to see him live before, and beforehand we had plenty of lovely drinks and a jolly good time. Er, the next morning wasn't brilliant though. I have never been so concerned that I might actually be sick on a train. Not my finest moment. Stay classy self. On the plus side, the universe gave me a free (ie abandoned on the train, so I kept) copy of The Casual Vacancy which is cool because I was curious about it but not enough to actually buy it. Haven't read much of it yet, but bear with. Oh and that morning I had a woman taxi driver, and her taxi was really comfortable, and she was really nice, and I felt so awful but she was so nice, it really struck me.

The week after that I went back for the day on Saturday to see my brother and my dad and celebrate my birthday. We all had various travels issues but we eventually found each other and had a really good meal and some fucking amazing cake and it was a lovely day.

And this last weekend I went to see my friends A and A, to celebrate the birthday of one of the A at the other A's house. They both brought their boyfriends, and we had dinner, and then when to a goth club. All night. Now, when the idea of an "all night goth rave" was first mentioned to me, I had assumed this was hyperbole. It was not. The last tube, people who don't know London, is just before midnight generally. We set off at midnight. We got a bus at quarter to one. We got to the club a bit before 2am. And we stayed until kicking out time at 7.45am. oh my god. It took a few hours to grow on me, because I was kinda tired and cold and a bit grumpy at first, but then (morning person ahoy) about 5am I suddenly woke up and started really enjoying myself. So that was good fun.

When we left the club, it was raining heavily, and none of us had umbrellas, and I didn't have a proper coat, or even proper clothes really because hello clubbing, and we walked for about 15 minutes through this rain and omg November morning, cold cold cold wet wet wet. That was not pleasant. But! Once we had got finally made it back to A's house, looking like a collection of tired, drowned goth rats, I got to dry off and put on warm clothes, and then one of A's flatmates turned out to be an incredible angel of a flatmates because he didn't even know us and, I can't overstate how amazing this was, he made us bacon and egg sandwiches, and proper coffee. You may have read that, but you don't fully understand: he went out to the shops to buy us food, and then he cooked it for us, and he kept bringing us more, and seriously, I almost started crying because I'd been awake for about 30 hours and it was so amazing.

Then I crawled back here and slept through a lot of day and woke up in the middle of the night and completely through off my sleeping pattern but it doesn't matter because there's always tumblr isn't there.


I just started watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries! They're good so far, definitely enjoying and would recommend. I'm not doing all that well at fandom otherwise. But that's ok. I'm still around online more than I thought I would be tbh, and frankly it will probably go down because hello essays, but yeah. I was worried I'd just drop away entirely. 

I still haven't seen Skyfall. I might just go by myself. 
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 Politics is back. That means more flooding my twitter feed with sarcastic and inappropriate comments about UK politics and politicians (um... sorry? XD) and also, more trying my darndest for an internship. Still no luck/not good enough. *sigh* But I remain hopeful. There was one day I came home and I had two invitations to interview by email and another by phone. Clearly it had been the first day back after the holidays for going through the non urgent emails.


The march of time also means that most of my friends have either already gone, or are about to go back to uni. Sad. Saw three, H, A and C for coffee on Wednesday - which turned into a bit less than two hours of coffee with three of them, followed by another two and a half hours of walking around streets in the dark and sitting at bus stops having very deep conversations. At one point, my friend A and I tried to go to our favourite pub, but it wasn't there. It was just, gone. The outside was still there, but I dunno, they must be refurbishing? All the interior just wasn't there. It was the weirdest thing. I took it as a sign not to drink.

There will probably be drinking of cocktails tonight though, seeing H, L, S and C, and possibly some of their friends too later. Mmmm, cocktails.


I have hurt my right index finger, and possibly my right hand generally. Not badly, but I think it's strained, because some motions hurt, but other functions are totally fine - typing this with two hands is fine, for example. It might be RSI, I'm really not sure. What I am sure about is that that is my go to finger for all my point, click, and scrolling needs, and I want it to be better. The scrolling suddenly hurting was a big alarm bell though. You guys, I scroll so much. I cannot have this hurt me. So I'm trying to rest it and use my left hand, or my right ring finger which seems the most cool. It's not too bad - I am left handed, my left hand is more than adequate. It's just slightly weird realising exactly how instinctive some of the motions I make regarding this computer really are. It's trickier than not biting my nails.


I really need to get back to the writing - definitely looking at the end of Feb now, because progress has just dropped off. Oops. It's getting trickier. I think I'll put another extract up here, because I never share most of the time, but it does help motivate me somehow.


The Glee tickets are somewhere in the postal system! I think. Hope I'll have them soon. And then, that I don't lose them sometime in the next 5 and a half months.


There are actually loads of castles in the UK and Ireland. Way more than I thought. Hope I get to see one up close sometime...
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As it always seems to.

My 20th birthday was rather lovely. I had a nice three course meal at a pleasant restaurant with some family, I received a couple of cards and presents. Then I went to see my friend I and we watched Marina and the Diamonds. I adore Marina, like, a lot, I listened to her album pretty solidly this summer, like a lot, and I identify with a lot of her lyrics as well as enjoying her music. When we got to the venue there was already a big queue outside, and so when we got in we wouldn't have been able to get at all close to the front. So instead we stayed near the bar, and drank, and actually had a better view than if we had been closer.

She bought me a lot of drinks, it was awesome. And then afterwards we went to a bar, and she bought me another one. And then this random man bought us both cocktails. We were both pretty drunk, and it was freezing cold, and I got home relatively early, but y'know, it was a Sunday. And then I did some drunk tweeting, and went to bed, very happy.

I was still drunk in the morning - enough that I didn't like having to move because I wasn't very good at it, walking, and in fact some types of sitting, were problematic. I sobered up at about 2.30, but then had a bit of a hangover, so I napped until it was gone. And so it was after waking then that I considered my birthday actually over. Good times. Let's hope the rest of the year follows suit.


Because I am a crazy person, I have signed up to - well attempt to, anyway -- do Nano. I've never done it before, and usually enjoy November quite a lot by not imposing it on myself while many around me opt for the suffering, but well, I've got a lot of free time at the moment. And I do love writing. I want to take a chunk out of Imlie's Garden, hopefully including a change of working title because the garden isn't all that important any more. If anyone would like to be writing buddies, and help me through the pain and trauma, holla.


Politics is weird y'all. So much can change so fast, yet old fears and prejudices continue. There is a lot of smoke and mirrors and backstabbing and the angrier it makes me the more I want to get involved somehow, anyhow. I don't think this is normal. But I like it.


I went to see Jay Brannan in London. He was wonderful. Of course, his music was so incredibly beautiful, but it was a tiny intimate venue, he was right by me, and he chatted and joked with the audience, and made eye contact with us and responded to us, it felt really two way somehow. I didn't really know anything about his personality apart from his songs, and so getting an insight, however slight, into who he really is, this guy who's music helped me so much and means so much to me... well, that was precious. Love him.

In other music news, Taylor Swift's new album is being played over and over and over. The only thing at all bad is that it fills me with the (terrible, terrible) idea that I too having feelings should try to write songs. She's just too inspiring, damnnit.


Glee is missing more than it is hitting. Strictly Come Dancing is love. X Factor pisses me off, but I can't stop watching and bitching about how much I hate it. (Matt Cardle's version of Britney's Hit Me One More Time was awesome though, check it out.) The Apprentice is wearying. Is anyone watching the lesbian drama Lip Service? It's pretty trashy and a lot of the scenes are ridiculous, and the main character is a total dick (really reminds me of Keira Knightly though, in looks and poise) but I like it, I'm enjoying it. And David Tennant's Single Father is generally wonderful, with moments of wtfuckery. It's so nice to have him back on screens though.


I really need a job, I am running out of monies :( And aside from food, there are loads of awesome things I could do during this time, but I need money badly to do any of them. And for that I need employment. Soon, I hope. I really hope. Soon.

In brief

May. 30th, 2010 12:05 pm
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+ The Demon's Covenant is so so good. I cannot stress this enough.

+ I am working my way through reading the entire chat transcript, with vague ~ideas about shipping charts and ficlets. I love this fandom guys.

+ The Eurovision song contest is bizarre, but somehow it has wormed its ridiculous self into my heart.

+ I am sad about David Laws, but yesterday I realised I do not want to fall wailing into Chris Crocker territory, so I am endeavouring to take a step back.

+ I want to to write! SO. Many. Things. This is my general reaction to freedom and sunshine = creativity. Possibly not as useful as actual photosynthesis, but more fun.

+ I need a Ball dress. A simultaneously scary and exciting prospect.


May. 12th, 2010 10:47 am
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About a week ago, I voted in my first general election.

Today, I woke up for the first time to a government that I am happy to have and cautiously optimistic about. Well, actually, I'm really happy, I grin and laugh and woop. 

I am definitely optimistic. Cautiously so, because these are politicians, and the nature of politicians is that they can do things you dislike, they can fuck over the country you love, they can break promises and disappoint you and not live up to that first burst of pride and joy you felt upon their election.

But at the moment, the pride and joy remain.

A lot of people in this country - and a lot of people on the bits of the internet I frequent - really hate the Conservatives. I can understand that position, though I don't currently share it. I really hate Labour at the moment, and I expect it will take a good couple of years before I am ready to consider forgiving them. So, I'm sorry if you are a die hard Labour supporter, or Conservative that hates this coalition, or a Lib Dem that is scared of this coalition. I know what it is like to have a government in place that you just really hate, and also, I know what it is like to have the candidate you voted for lose. It's frustrating and upsetting and I know a lot of people are not happy today.

But I personally am, at this point, pretty damn happy. I teeter between supporting the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats, usually on different issues but occasionally on one issue. But I have felt that there really are areas they do agree on, like protecting our civil liberties, like education reform that will work out really well for this. Some of the policies this government implements I will not like, and some of the policies each side conceded I will miss, but this is the real nature of politics, and I appreciate that. 

I had difficulty choosing which party to support at the General Election, and that is probably the main reason I haven't actually joined one yet, because I don't know which would be weirder, to be a more left wing member of the Conservatives or a more right wing member of the Liberal Democrats. When I voted, the decision was easy enough, because I voted in a marginal Labour constituency and used my vote in the hope of removing our Labour MP. It didn't work, by the way, and an MP I actually did like in the neighboring constituency lost his seat too, so that was quite disappointing. But this is the government I would have voted for if I'd had that option, more than wanting either a Conservative majority or a Lib Dem majority. This is the best I could have hoped for from the available possibilities. 

So, I'm pleased, and I'm hopeful.

A lot hangs on this new government. I really really hope they do well, and don't screw it up.
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 I just voted :)

I had two votes in the elections last year, but this was my first general election and as someone with a genuine interest in politics, and someone that feels so incredibly frustrated by voter apathy, and after two years of Government and Politics A Level it does kinda please me.

Of course, one vote might not make much of a difference, and even if my candidate wins in my constituency who on earth will be running this country in a weeks time seems to be pretty up in the air.

But. I exercised my democratic right to vote today, and it pleases me to have done so :D


Perhaps more interestingly this morning I suddenly looked up Lady Gaga's tour dates. She is coming back to the UK in May/June, and though her London dates are during my exams, I could possibly go in Manchester or Sheffield. Tickets appear to be on sale, and not for insane prices. So... would it be crazy to try to go? I have no idea who, if anyone, from school or from uni, would want to go, and I absolutely can't go on my own. And it would be just after my exams, and on one side of Laura Marling at Hay, and I'd be totally exhausted and should be staying in college and getting drunk with my friends and all that. 

But... its Lady Gaga. And god knows whether she'll do more dates over here for a while afterward.

Decisions *sigh*
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Tomorrow is my last day of school.

It's weird, because for so long, basically since mocks, I've been read to leave school. I've felt constricted, like I'm wasting time, like I'm stagnating. Particularly after spending so much time looking at unis, I've been ready to move on. But, it's turning out now that while I'm ready to have left school, I'm not sure I'm read to actually leave school. And I don't know how I feel about just the idea of not seeing some of my classmates again. I'm sure I'll keep in touch with my friends, but some of these people, acquaintances but not really close friends, perhaps I'll see them in five years at the reunion but -- five years? That's much longer than a summer.

Today I had my last English lesson EVER. That's weird. And then went to tea with my English teachers and fellow students.

So, tomorrow is my last day, my muck up day-- I'm going to OHgwartS dressed as a leprecaun-- but it's also my first exam, resitting two Politics AS papers. Argh. In the morning, 9 til 11. I can't go down at least, but I've been revising and revising these last couple of days.

What else has happened recently? Barrowman confirmed in La Cage this autumn. I wasn't sure, but might go if C and I can find a Saturda we can go together. I agree with her that I think its likely he might only be at the Hub 3 on the Sunday now. Neither of us is going, but if he does, and the don't announce anothe headliner, some fans might be a little bit pissed. Anyone on my flist going?

Got my Ball tickets today. Slightly smug to get two tickets, to have a date. But, I am yet to get my dress, so mustn't get complacent.

I can hardly believe the were talking about British politics on the Daily Show -- I was so shocked, and laughed so so much. Especially when Jon didn't think people seemed very angry - I was actually talking to "Jon" ie my TV, saying "Silly, we don't editorialise on TV." I think US news, and politics, would be very diferent if the didn't either. Props to the guy with the moat, btw. That's style.


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the camelion Poet

July 2013



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