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Dec. 31st, 2012 06:40 pm
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 2012 was a weird year.

The lows were really, really low. Like, seriously, this year probably contains about two or three of the worst moments of my life ever.

But the positives were pretty great, if sometimes sparse. And I'm ending in a much better place than I begun the year.

So. Here's to the upswing continuing in 2013.

Hello 2011!

Jan. 1st, 2011 11:41 am
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 New Year's Resolutions

This year, I resolve to... )

Bye 2010

Dec. 31st, 2010 08:03 pm
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 So, another year has passed.

My first thought when I think about 2010 is that it was a bit of a rubbish year. A terrible, shitty, miserable year. When I think of last January for instance, my immediate thought is how I dreaded going back to college, and of how two small confusing crushes became three hellish infatuations that made me hurt in ways that had been hitherto utterly unimagined and totally underestimated. Intense, intense pain. I think of the grinding drag of depression, the insecurity, the loneliness. And then I think of how that developed, and encompassed anger and betrayal and more pain and more betrayal and again and again, being beaten down. The weird limbo of sudden, awkward freedom. And finally, the lack of the last couple of months, lacking structure and purpose and the lack of money. I think of these things first, and think, god, 2010, good riddance to you.



Then I have some other thoughts too.

I think of the new friends I have found this year. I think of the progress in writing - small, perhaps, but still, real progress - I have made. I think of how I got to see Adam Lambert, among others. Thom Yorke, Imogen Heap, Jay Brannan, Marina, John Barrowman, David Tennant. I think of the absolutely amazing time I had in Canada this summer. I think of the fun I have had, not once but several times, with certain marmalade fish, at the launch of The Demon's Covenant and frolicking together at other time, including just yesterday morning. I think of the gentle lapping of happiness and contentment I felt during that week at the end of Lent term with G and J and E. I think of the play I had such fun helping with. I think of that helter skelter. I think of that absolutely beautiful and perfect day when N and J and I went for a drive in the country. I think of Devon, and of Greece. I think of sitting on the front of that boat and feeling so so good. I think of the gleefulness of being in fandom. I think of how stunningly good it felt to reconnect with the world, to remember what beauty and passion are. To breathe again, to cry again. I think of that day at the fair, jetlagged and with friends and just so happy. I think of my cousin's wedding, how beautiful and happy she was, and how angelic my cousin once removed T is - at this age at least. I think of the good Christmas I just enjoyed, the brilliant birthday before that. I think of the awesome time I was having this time, New Year's Eve, last year, with some of the best people in the world.

I think of how long this list is, and how it isn't complete, and how precious that is.

I think how, despite everything, I sit here happy and hopeful.

Some parts of 2010 were absolutely, totally, horrifically shitty and awful.

But some parts - lots of parts - were brilliant. Beautiful and glorious and perfect. Were supermegafoxyawesomehot. 

I'm so grateful for that.

Now then. Bring on 2011.

Oh, hey

Jan. 1st, 2010 05:25 pm
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2009 was pretty good to me all things considered. Here's hoping 2010 is even better, for everyone, all my family and friends, and all my friends reading this particularly, as well as myself. I love you guys!

I should really make an epic holidays - Christmas - marmfish meetup - New Year's Eve  - New Year's resolutions - look back at the past decade kinda post, and I will, but I think I'll put it off a bit longer, and instead of doing it now I'm gonna rewatch David Tennant's penultimate episode of Doctor Who, just before his last goes out. End of time, end of an era, and I'm going to miss him, and this. But still, I'm also very excited to move on and forward and part of me is so so excited to see Matt Smith takeover. So.

Here's to new beginnings.


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the camelion Poet

July 2013



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