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Another set of stairs meet my suitcases, another fight to the death with my fitted sheet, another not very good yet internet connection. I promise the big how-my-life-works-now post is coming. Soon. Probably Monday.


 So there's this girl.

I don't think she can read this, but if I've forgotten something and somehow she can - well, hi. I've been thinking about you.

I've talked about her here before, because we went to school together and were very good friends. We stayed close that first year after school, but then the last year or so we've drifted. I don't think we aren't friends anymore, I just think we haven't had much to say to each other. I'm certain that if we were physically nearer and able to see each other more often than once or twice a year we would remain close. The last time I saw her, months ago, I hadn't seen her for months before that, but we fit together still.

Anyway, I really miss her. And I was thinking, you know, you have to put effort into relationships, any kind of relationship. If it's worth keeping, it's worth tending. And I was thinking, I need some way to reach out to her.

And then, it hit me. I suddenly realised that the last couple of weeks, she's been reaching out to me. And I'm a complete idiot. I thought it was coincedence. But no, now I look at it, I think she has been making an effort toward me. And I don't need to reach out. I just need to reach back.

I feel a little weird about it. 


Nano is approaching, and I think it would be wise of me to give it a miss this year, but I totally don't want to, so I might sign up and cheerfully fail once again anyway. Or maybe I'll try something like Nano, but not Nano, like writing a poem every day for November or something? IDK. I ought to buckle down and make some headway on The Misfit Witch. I keep thinking about the other books I want to write, how it might be nice to have a go at something fresh. What is everyone thinking?


Summer wasn't great this year, but I'm now starting to think about next year. Which currently, cautiously, provisionally, looks a bit like this: LA, CA -> Austin, Texas -> New York City, New York. Yeeeeeah. 

Who has thoughts and advice about either Austin or New York? I. know. nothing.
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 Oh well.

I'm not cut up - I realised, after I went a week without writing anything, that it was very unlikely I'd catch up, and I actually gave up about a week ago, but here I am confirming it: another year, another Nano, but still no novel.

I have no discipline, I'm not good at making myself sit down and write, and I never got into any kind of daily rhythm. I did write about 10K, and most of it doesn't make me want to aggressively delete it, so that's good. And I sent some of it to lc2l and she liked it, so the month hasn't been a complete bust writing-wise.

The thing I need to decide now is this: do I want to keep on with this book, or should I give it a break and try at one of the other ideas patiently queued up in my brain? It seems ridiculous, but I've been very slowly working on this book for about 5 years now. That has included more plotting than writing, granted, but that's a long time to keep an idea to yourself, and I've been wondering whether part of the problem might be just that part of me doesn't want to share these characters and their world and their story that has been my private thing for so long. 

Two and a half years ago I had the idea for, and plotted out, Shades, the other book I think of as "on" ie more than a vague idea, something I really want to write and share, but I haven't yet written a word of it, because I've always said I wanted to get a first draft of at least the first part of The Misfit Witch done first. My instincts still say this - that for better or worse I should try to keep moving forward, however slowly, to complete this to a point that someone could read it. I do want to. But I'm wondering if maybe I should try something else instead. IDK.
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 is exactly what I am doing right now. By making this post, instead of writing for Nano.

Nano and writing blurble ) 


I finished the second ASOIAF book, A Clash of Kings - not sure yet whether I'll do a full review write up yet. Basically, I really enjoyed it, and was properly shocked at one death in particular. Favourite characters have shuffled slightly, so top three is now Arya, Tyrion and Sansa, but still much much love for, well, practically everyone except Joffrey basically, who I really want to stab. And I went through so many emotions with Theon, oh my gosh, his story this book was composed so well, I swung from disdain through disapproval and hate and pity and hope and bleak misery and sadness. I actually like Jaime and Cersai more now, I think because they weren't sneaking around anymore. I was losing interest in Dany a bit though, beyond laughing so much at the other characters talking about magic and the existence of dragons a lot. I hope something more interesting happens with her next book.

Next book, which I am going to get soon. Um, once I've hit 20K in my Nano. Yep.


I went to see The Help. I thought it was a good film, funny and fraught and a bit harrowing and breath taking at times.

I was a bit uncomfortable though because I didn't feel it was made clear which bits were fiction (ie, the vast majority) and what was real (ie, the backdrop and scenario) and also because I felt the white protag was using the black characters more to help herself than to help their situation. Which is obvious a very sensitive area, what you can do to help, what a single female individual could really do. What they were doing was presented as being so dangerously transgressive anyway. I can't really tell whether I'm frustrated that the film didn't go further as an artistic complaint, or whether what I'm really expressing here is a general frustration with the speed of civil rights progress. IDK.

But, as a film, it was well made, great acting. Apart from the primary story of the black/white racism and segregation, there was also quite a lot of male/female and middle class/working class barriers to examine, though again it was a little artificial and neat I suppose. It was also funnier than I had expected in parts. And, haha, at the beginning some of the Southern US accents were a little tricky to understand until you'd eased into it a bit. I mainly went for Emma Stone though, and on that front, I certainly wasn't disappointed. ILU Emma Stone.  
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 Happy Hallowe'en, and Happy Samhain to those that are celebrating! 
These days for me, Hallowe'en is the day I have an excuse to make sure there is chocolate in the house just in case trick or treaters come, and then, when they never do (like never – we’re just not that kind of neighbourhood I guess, I remember someone coming round once my whole life and it was over 10 years ago) I get to eat it myself. Which is a fine holiday IMO. Plus, I’m going to pick up my poppy today.
And Hallowe'en also means tomorrow is the beginning of Nano! Argh oh god. I’m ifonlyella if anyone wants to be writing buddies. I really want to win this year!

So we came back from Devon last Friday, because on the 22nd I was going to London to see two New Yorkers: Maureen Johnson in the morning, and Jay Brannan in the evening.
Morning and Maureen Johnson )
Then it was my birthday! )
A week on, I really need to finish my cake today…
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So, I didn't manage to win Nano. This is hardly a surprise. Oh well.

I don't mind this - I've still written a lot more than I would have if I hadn't signed up, and I just feel very happy and pleased at the progress I have made, there is no room to feel sad or disappointed in myself. I didn't get stressed about it, or force myself to write when I wasn't in the mood, and in return it didn't cause my untimely death. Seems fair. 

As well as writing a lot more than I would have done, this month I've nailed down the remaining plotting for all the main characters and begun writing entire arcs and characters that hadn't been written before, only plotted for, which has been really nice, because regardless of plotting a character only kinda becomes real when you are writing them, at least to me. I've written description of sights and scenery and action and make outs and magic and high school that before were just vague ideas, or very specific images in my mind's eye that I hadn't yet actually pinned down with words. It's felt relieving, and liberating, and actually just really wonderful to finally express some of these ideas I've had in my head and have kept from everyone else for years now. I'm remembering what it feels like to actively love writing.

And best of all, I feel like I've got a much clearer idea of how many words and how much work goes into a chapter, so I can make a more realistic estimate of what the reality of this project would be completed, and when I might do that.

Current estimates: 

- total wordcount of entire project to be around 225K
- wordcount of Part One to be around 75K
- first draft of Part One to be done by the end of January
- first draft of Part Two to be done by the end of March
- first draft of Part Three to be done by the end of May

(Part One gets longer than Two or Three because I realise I will write less over Christmas than during the boringness that is February.) 

These are just estimates, and I'm aware that not managing Nano doesn't set a great precedent for getting it done by these dates, but I dunno, I just feel so positive and hopeful about this whole thing, and I didn't have any writers block at all over the last month, so I can't help but feel like if I just keep going there's a real possibility I'll get it done. And just think - that means I could let other people read it! \o/

The only other thing is, I really need a new name for this project. Even just another temporary name. So in the true spirit of Nano, I shall spend the last few hours of today and of this month desperately trying to come up with something better than it's current working title. Determined to get something by midnight!

ETA: new working title (for however long it lasts...) is now The Misfit Witch.

So yeah. I didn't win Nano. But I just don't feel like a failure :)


Nov. 22nd, 2010 06:56 pm
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It's weird not being alone anymore. Meals regularly happen, and without me going shopping. Sometimes the bathroom isn't free. I have to worry about playing music too loud. It's nice though. Conversation is good.


I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One. In fact, I've seen it twice now, once on Friday and once on Saturday. I am itching to go see it again, it is so so good.

I was particularly amazed by Emma Watson, who usually annoys me and suddenly seemed to be doing a really really good job acting Hermione brilliantly! She easily carried several scenes, and was poised and just, did a great job.  I don't know what happened to bring on this change, but - Hurrah! 

Probably going to do a post about the things I really really loved, but for now, just know that I loved it.

Keen to find a chance to see it in IMAX with laliandra and hanelissar (do other marm fish wanna come too?) sometime, hopefully this side of Christmas.


I feel like I'm getting skinnier, but I don't seem to be losing weight. I'm not sure how that works. I mean, even if I'm losing muscle mass I'd have to be getting fatter for my weight to remain the same. And I'm certainly not replacing fat with muscle at the moment, haven't been to the gym in ages. I'm not trying to lose weight btw, though not to gain it either. Clothes are looser, and sometimes I find myself touching my arms curiously, thinking I'm skinnier in places. But then I feel like my torso is exactly the same.

Perhaps this is some psychological desire/expectation to put on weight for winter, and by not doing so my mind is confused or trying to convince me to?


Nano is not going well, at all, but I just can't feel upset or anxious about it. I've written little, but having written at all just makes me feel all happy and proud. I'm not complaining.


Last night's Garrow's Law was beautiful and heartbreaking. If you don't know, Garrow's Law is a courtroom drama, but set in Georgian London so it is also a period drama and full of social injustice themes. Last night, Garrow was defending a man accused of sodomy, and non consensual sodomy at that, that was facing the death penalty. His accuser was his partner, and that partner's wife, and were the partner to suggest the sex was consensual he too would be facing the death penalty. The whole thing was just fraught.

The accused gay man was played by Andrew Scott, who was Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, and he gave such a beautiful, subtle and heartbreaking performance as a man that can't tell the truth to his own lawyer and despite the situation is still so in love with the man that accuses him. The end was so heartbreaking, there was a real tear in my eye. 

If you missed it and can get the iPlayer do watch it, such a good episode. Gorgeous.


Also on TV - tonight, two friends of mine will be on University Challenge. So if you can, watch it!

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 Excitement, for today William and Kate's engagement was announced!

They seem very happy and well matched, so congrats and best wishes to them :D

...somehow this translates to me as a very good excuse to reread Drastically Redefining Protocol :P

But oh my god, I am so behind on my Nano, I must get back to it. Crazy teenagers aren't going to discover magic and have adventures and make out on their own, now are they. 
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 Of course, I already loved Darren Criss, because AVPM and AVPS are fabulous and hilarious and amazing, and if there is anyone in the world that hasn't watched them go watch them now. NOW. 

But having just watched "Never Been Kissed" ep of Glee, I apparently now love him so much more. Lovely lovely lovely. He looks great, obviously, and sounds awesome, but mainly it was so great to see him acting, he's so smooth and nice and normal, and acting so normal on a show full of over the top wackyness. He's gonna be a big star. I guess it helps that I really like the song he sings, Katy Perry's Teenage Dream, already. His version is excellent, just the right balance of romantic and sexy and fun. I am very happy with this, and for the advancement and development for Kurt, and am very much looking forward to watching this continue to develop. 

Great episode for Artie and Puck too, and I also totally liked both the mash up songs from this ep as well, so while the Bieste sub plot was a bit weird overall a great Glee ep! God I hope they stay good for a little while, this season so far seems to be zig zagging a bit between hit and miss. But when it's good, it's totally good. So keep that up, Glee!


A few busy days in a row, and the Nano gets ignored. Oops. Must get back on the bandwagon, even if I only manage a couple of paragraphs each day. 


Yesterday, SRB posted a new extract from the third Demon's Lexicon book, The Demon's Surrender. This Cookie of ~Sexy~ Revelation, as it is now to be referred to, is awesome. And contains a rather sexy revelation. God, I really need this book. Is it coming out in May again? May seems like a long way away right now. CAN WE SIN YET? Pretty please?

If you've read The Demon's Lexicon and The Demon's Covenant do check out this cookie, it is very excellent, and SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot. But don't read it if you haven't read the first two books, because for them it is spoilerific. 

If you haven't read The Demon's Lexicon and The Demon's Covenant, seriously, go buy them and read them. They really are rather excellent.


Now I'm going to probably miss watching PMQs live because I'm going to go and teach/tutor/help a guy write a decent personal statement. That's how much I need a job right now...
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"When writing a novel, that's pretty much entirely what life turns into: 'House burned down. Car stolen. Cat exploded. Did 1500 easy words, so all in all it was a pretty good day."
— Neil Gaiman

Neil Gaiman speaks the truth.

I had a lot of things to get done today. I did maybe three or four of them - the washing up, for the record, was not one of the lucky chosen few. But one of them was starting NaNoWriMo. I haven't written a lot, and lord knows the words I have written aren't great, but I have begun, and even if the whole rest of the month is downhill from here, today just seems like such a good day. The sun was shining and the world was a pleasant place to be and I've been happy all day. Today was a good day.

See world? Not a complete failure.

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As it always seems to.

My 20th birthday was rather lovely. I had a nice three course meal at a pleasant restaurant with some family, I received a couple of cards and presents. Then I went to see my friend I and we watched Marina and the Diamonds. I adore Marina, like, a lot, I listened to her album pretty solidly this summer, like a lot, and I identify with a lot of her lyrics as well as enjoying her music. When we got to the venue there was already a big queue outside, and so when we got in we wouldn't have been able to get at all close to the front. So instead we stayed near the bar, and drank, and actually had a better view than if we had been closer.

She bought me a lot of drinks, it was awesome. And then afterwards we went to a bar, and she bought me another one. And then this random man bought us both cocktails. We were both pretty drunk, and it was freezing cold, and I got home relatively early, but y'know, it was a Sunday. And then I did some drunk tweeting, and went to bed, very happy.

I was still drunk in the morning - enough that I didn't like having to move because I wasn't very good at it, walking, and in fact some types of sitting, were problematic. I sobered up at about 2.30, but then had a bit of a hangover, so I napped until it was gone. And so it was after waking then that I considered my birthday actually over. Good times. Let's hope the rest of the year follows suit.


Because I am a crazy person, I have signed up to - well attempt to, anyway -- do Nano. I've never done it before, and usually enjoy November quite a lot by not imposing it on myself while many around me opt for the suffering, but well, I've got a lot of free time at the moment. And I do love writing. I want to take a chunk out of Imlie's Garden, hopefully including a change of working title because the garden isn't all that important any more. If anyone would like to be writing buddies, and help me through the pain and trauma, holla.


Politics is weird y'all. So much can change so fast, yet old fears and prejudices continue. There is a lot of smoke and mirrors and backstabbing and the angrier it makes me the more I want to get involved somehow, anyhow. I don't think this is normal. But I like it.


I went to see Jay Brannan in London. He was wonderful. Of course, his music was so incredibly beautiful, but it was a tiny intimate venue, he was right by me, and he chatted and joked with the audience, and made eye contact with us and responded to us, it felt really two way somehow. I didn't really know anything about his personality apart from his songs, and so getting an insight, however slight, into who he really is, this guy who's music helped me so much and means so much to me... well, that was precious. Love him.

In other music news, Taylor Swift's new album is being played over and over and over. The only thing at all bad is that it fills me with the (terrible, terrible) idea that I too having feelings should try to write songs. She's just too inspiring, damnnit.


Glee is missing more than it is hitting. Strictly Come Dancing is love. X Factor pisses me off, but I can't stop watching and bitching about how much I hate it. (Matt Cardle's version of Britney's Hit Me One More Time was awesome though, check it out.) The Apprentice is wearying. Is anyone watching the lesbian drama Lip Service? It's pretty trashy and a lot of the scenes are ridiculous, and the main character is a total dick (really reminds me of Keira Knightly though, in looks and poise) but I like it, I'm enjoying it. And David Tennant's Single Father is generally wonderful, with moments of wtfuckery. It's so nice to have him back on screens though.


I really need a job, I am running out of monies :( And aside from food, there are loads of awesome things I could do during this time, but I need money badly to do any of them. And for that I need employment. Soon, I hope. I really hope. Soon.


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the camelion Poet

July 2013



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