The Eurovision Song Contest.
[To non Europeans, Eurovision is technically a singing contest, but really its a chance for hundreds of millions of Europeans to humiliate themselves, present a crazed caricature of themselves and their music taste to the rest of us, put themselves forward for scorn, and then vote politically to give Western Europe a good kicking. You can't vote for yourself, but usually everyone votes in blocs, and its one of the rare occasions Moldova's opinion matters as much as France's.
Here in the UK, and in my household, it is generally considered so awful it must be watched, like a car cash that goes on way too long at the end, as not only the 25 countries in the final vote but all the countries that didn't get through also. Also, please note that Eurovision isn't like, just Western Europe, or just EU countries. It's all of them (except, I don't know, maybe Belarus wouldn't, I dunno) and several countries that aren't really in Europe at all. I mean, Turkey and Russia, ok a bit of them is in Europe, but Israel?! Not. Even. A. Little. This is just one of many examples of the weirdness of Eurovision. ]
Anyway, this year I missed most of it [because I was at a John Barrowman concert instead - somehow that seems kinda ironic] but I got home in time to catch the end of the voting, and find out that the favourites, Norway, won, AND the UK came fifth. Which might not sound great, but REALLY REALLY IS. We usually come last or very low down in recent years. And, since the real aim is not to actually win Eurovision [because then you would have to host it the next year] but to do well enough that you feel confident talking about how awful the rest of the acts were, we totally achieved that.
This morning I listened back to all the performances, though not of the voting, and not the video because my computer kept going too slowly to watch it properly, so I also went back and read tweets about it from Wossy [Jonathan Ross], jamesmoran [a Doctor Who writer and funny person] and MissCay [who I believe is a journalist of some description] I have interspersed some funny tweets
with my verdicts on the performances, and also a couple of quotes from the UK commentary
, this year by Graham Norton since Terry Wogan resigned last year over the scandalous political and bloc voting, so its kinda like in fashion magazines where a panel bitch about what a celeb is wearing. Eurovision 2009"We don't see enough women on unicycles - certainly not on prime time television."
Opening act sounds scary, circus and child catcher, possibly gothic, hate her voice (more) when it gets high/loud
Dima Belan, last years winner, runs through walls. Crowds roars, drowning out his boy band voice, song bareablejamesmoran
It's started! And already it's utter nonsense. Oh fuck there's a weird babyadult in balloons.jamesmoran
Dear Americans: you are SO, SO lucky you can't see the Eurovision. And yet, at the same time, unlucky.( Oh yes, there's MORE )
well done boy wonder from Norway. Well done Jade and ALW. Well done Graham. Well done all of us for sitting through it all !