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 Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I had these bits of thoughts that I was thinking about posting about, mainly about interning and stuff, but I was too busy working or too tired from working to make that post. Then I woke up this morning and groped for the internet, as is my way, and then spent hours and hours thinking only of the earthquake in Japan, and the tsunamis that are hitting Japan and, it seems, warned for in every country in the area.

It's awful. Of course it's awful, it's terrible, it's horrendous. It's the 7th biggest earthquake ever recorded, and could the world maybe catch a break from natural disasters anytime soon? I would say recently, but it feels like it's just been almost constant over the last year or two years or something. Probably, that's just what the world is like when you start paying attention, but it's just crazy.

But it's also weird, because of things like Twitter, and streaming footage, and 24 hr news, I can sit here in my bed, in my house, in England, with the sun shining and the birds singing, and I can watch people desperately driving away from a wall of water which will probably kill them. I can sit here, and I can tweet about how terrible it is, but the fact that it's still going on, that in some way I'm witnessing it develop as it happens yet am so incredibly removed from the situation itself and so powerless to alter it in anyway-- it makes me feel skeevy. I believe that paying attention to the news and to the world is important, hugely important, of course it is, but now I'm starting to feel like a spectator just waiting to hear the next thing, and I feel like for a little while at least I need to tear myself away and then come back to it later. I don't think it will make me unfaithful to this horrendous event, to the people that are losing their homes and lives. I hope it doesn't anyway.

But there's just something, about the vastness of the Pacific and the speed of the internet and the timezones, so that people in Europe can be awake and knowing that a massive tsunami is probably heading toward all these place, about seeing time predictions for when they might hit, and some of these places hadn't been awake, or had no where to evacuate too, or there's nothing to be done really. And knowing about a disaster coming, steadily approaching but that hasn't yet happened, just

Freaks me out a bit. Makes me feel even worse than when a disaster happens in the past tense. 

It's one thing when a disaster has ongoing consequences. But this one hasn't even finished it's second act yet, and there's nothing I can do, there's nothing anyone on this side of the planet can do, there are no boats or planes that could get to these places as fast as the water and yet the water, compared to the information telling us it's probably going to happen is so slow and yet, almost inevitable surely by now

It's like death itself.





And, now I feel like a melodramatic twat. And a selfish, horrible human being. And I should keep watching the footage, but I should also get some food and some fresh air and think about some other things. And then somehow scape together some money for the relief effort from somewhere. And just generally stop always fucking thinking about myself. God, Isi, come on. The first rule of life is, it's not all about you, ffs. 

Is it worse to not be able to tear yourself away from watching a car crash, or to be able to?

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the camelion Poet

July 2013

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